#225 - Manipulation or Love?

Proverbs 25:15 - By long forbearance and calmness of spirit a judge or ruler is persuaded, and soft speech breaks down the most bonelike resistance.

Proverbs 31:26 - She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction].

The Dictionary defines forbearance as patient endurance. The Hebrew breaks down soft (speech) tongue as tender, delicate, soft, gentle words. 

What about those hard to deal with people? Stubborn? Or even just those people who don't see it "your" way? Maybe you are trying to convince your spouse of something YOU want.... his resistance is frustrating and you just want to have your way. 


I used to be (and really probably still am) a very stubborn person. I believe the difference between my childhood stubbornness was the defiant iron will that came from my eyes, the hardness, the bonelike resistance. Like a bulldog, I was not going to let go or give in if I had my mind set on something. My teeth would have to be pulled out before I would let go of my grip on "my way." Patient endurance did not define my means of acquiring things, nor did opening my mouth in skillful or godly wisdom. 


Both Proverbs 25:15 & Proverbs 31:26 give us insight into breaking down bonelike resistance. It boils down to one word, not manipulation, but love. Love does not manipulate. Love does not try to twist words, position words in the best sales manner to succeed. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is soft. And with soft, kind, gentle words, love pulls, love does not push. Love draws in. Love does not force. 


Equally, in all of loves efforts to guide, give counsel and instruct, love also leaves the right for the recipient to refuse counsel, refuse guidance, refuse instruction. Love leaves room for freedom of choice. In attempts to break down the bonelike resistance, the stubbornness, love speaks softly. Love speaks in kindness. Loves true desire is wholeness, but love is strong enough to open hands of release. Love is strong enough to let go. 


Manipulation is a perverted way to get something that we want. Manipulation twists, and turns, positions in a sneaky way. Manipulation gets what it wants at any cost. Manipulation will lie & deceive. Manipulation is close-minded to anything but getting it's way. Manipulation's mindset will have it's way one way or another, even if it has to force it. 


Love allows freedom. Love softly and delicately prods. Love has soft eyes. Love draws in. Love yearns for, but because of it's great depth is willing to let go. With kind words, love ultimately seeks what is best, but allows freedom of choice. Love listens. Love is unconditional. Love is in spite of mistake. Love is in spite of betrayal. Love is present at all times, even in disappointment. 


Gentle words. A soft tongue. Love leaves God in control of the outcome. 


Substitute your NAME in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 where the word "love" is. Do you epitomize the meaning of "love?" Does your name fit?  

• _(LOVE)_ is patient  

• ______ is kind.  

• ______ does not envy,  

• ______ does not boast,  

• ______ is not proud.   

• ______ does not dishonor others,  

• ______ is not self-seeking,  

• ______ is not easily angered,  

• ______ keeps no record of wrongs.  

• ______ does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  

• ______ always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

• ______ never fails.

How are you handling your current situation? In Manipulation or Love? 

#224 - If YOU Don't, Who Will?

Proverbs 24:11 - Deliver those who are drawn away to death, and those who totter to the slaughter, hold them back [from their doom].

Ezekiel 3:18 - If I say to the wicked, You shall surely die, and YOU do not give him warning or speak to warn the wicked to turn from his wicked way, to save his life, the same wicked man shall die in his iniquity, but his blood will I require at your hand.

Proverbs 31:26 - She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction].

Totter to the slaughter. Do you see that Christian friend of yours as they are walking hesitantly down the wrong path. They are tottering in their feelings and emotions. They are wavering, but led by an emotional pull to follow what "feels good." They focus on "self." This is what I want! This is what I deserve! It's MY life, this makes ME happy. Maybe it's an unbeliever, a co-worker, high school or college friend, someone you know who has NOT accepted Jesus as their Savior. They continue down the path of the world, with one ultimate outcome if nothing changes. Death. Hell. Eternal destruction. On that day, they get to the pearly gates and their name is not on the list, so they are cast down to damnation. Would they ask you the question? Why didn't YOU tell me? We were friends. Why didn't YOU let me know the importance of this decision? Why didn't YOU make it important enough for me to see it?


In either case, it sometimes may put us as a believer in an uncomfortable situation. Maybe you have watched this friend walking down the wrong path, all the while, feelings of frustration and maybe even anger are welling up inside of you. You see the decisions that are being made, soaked in self. Soaked in 'it's my right.' Soaked in everything but commitment and selflessness.

Maybe now is the time for you to open your mouth. It says the Proverbs 31 woman opens her mouth in skillful & godly Wisdom. However, it does not say it is easy for her to open her mouth. It does not say that the words she says came easily. I would anticipate, she sometimes had to address the difficult subjects. I would guess she has had to confront the uncomfortable situations, maybe even call someone out. Maybe truly having to "call it like it is." While everyone else stands by, watches silently as this person heads down the path of destruction. I would anticipate at times, though risking maybe even a friendship to open her mouth, she opens her mouth in attempts to SAVE her friend or family member. In love, but risking their very relationship!

Have you had that conversation? Is there someone in your life who YOU need to address the tough questions with? A Christian friend tottering, going the wrong way? A Non-Christian friend living every day as a risk without knowing Jesus?

We know the outcome of the non-believer. It tells us in Ezekiel plainly. They shall surely die. Here is the kicker, it also reprimands US if we do not warn them. If we do not open our mouth!  If I say to the wicked, You shall surely die, and YOU do not give him warning or speak to warn the wicked to turn from his wicked way, to save his life, the same wicked man shall die in his iniquity, but his blood will I require at your hand. 


His blood, her blood, that guilt will be on MY conscience, YOUR conscience. It will be on OUR hands if we don't attempt to warn them. WARN them. That's all! Warn them. Give them fair warning of where they are going. Give them fair warning of the danger that lies ahead if they continue down that path. Once we have done that, we can rest assured that we have at least done our part. We have at least warned them. Sure, praying for them is still good if they choose not to change their ways, but at least the blood will not be on our hands. 


Who needs to hear from you today? Who needs a wake-up call? 


If YOU don't talk to your friend, WHO WILL? Will anyone? Are you the ONLY person who will tell them the truth? If YOU don't, WHO WILL? 

____________________

Need a book to read? Check out one of these!

Get Over Yourself - Jennifer Bechham (book)
23 Minutes in Hell - Bill Wiese (book or You.Tube Video hyperlinked!)