#137 -The Road NOT to travel!

Good morning! Man... I'm just so thankful that as a Christian I have the right and ability to have a RELATIONSHIP with the Holy Spirit. That I have the ability to have a RELATIONSHIP with my Father. As I was just spending time this morning listening to His Voice... I just had an uneasiness inside me. An unsettled feeling in my heart... I wasn't sure what it was, but I didn't like it. As I spent time listening to find out what this uneasiness was, I found out it was anxiety. I was feeling anxious. Even as I write this, I am reminded of the verse that says, "Be anxious for nothing, but by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, submit your requests to God." (Phil 4:6) It was brought to my attention that the "subtlety" of the anxiousness that I was feeling was ALSO the enemy. SO... recently, the ENEMY was caught... the enemy of planting thoughts of FEAR & DOUBT in my mind... he was caught. So now, this morning, as I sought the Lord about the uneasiness I was feeling, He also let me know that the subtleness of that feeling was ALSO the enemy. The enemy was trying to cause me to feel anxious. Anxious about what? Pick something, anything. If I was thinking it, I was feeling anxious about it. SO... now that I have RECOGNIZED that as the enemy, I can take those thoughts CAPTIVE put them under the obedience of Christ Jesus. I was even directed to go on a long walk today with Tyler Jr and go to the park, BECAUSE I CAN, and walking slow is a great way to show the enemy that I WILL NOT BE ANXIOUS! He CAN NOT control me or cause me to live in fear, doubt, or anxiety. I am living in the obedience of Christ Jesus & Satan has NO PLACE in my life or my home! 


Well... let's get into the word this morning. It's pretty interesting... and quite an interesting story that you are going to read about. Man... I remember the depths of it so closely! Transparency, sometimes I feel like it could be a fault - how transparent that I can be, but I guess I just feel like if things I have experienced can help someone else, what is there to be transparent about? So, be prepared.... it's coming at you again. :)  

Proverbs 7:4 - Say to skillful and godly Wisdom, You are my sister, and regard understanding or insight as your intimate friend.

Proverbs 7:22-25 - Suddenly he [yields and] follows her reluctantly like an ox moving to the slaughter, like one in fetters going to the correction [to be given] to a fool or like a dog enticed by food to the muzzle
    ²³ Till a dart [of passion] pierces and inflames his vitals; then like a bird fluttering straight into the net [he hastens], not knowing that it will cost him his life.
    ²⁴ Listen to me now therefore, O you sons, and be attentive to the words of my mouth.
    ²⁵ Let not your heart incline toward her ways, do not stray into her paths.

Proverbs 31:11 - The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil. 

Let's start out with the happiness of this devotion. As I read Proverbs 7:4, it just made me smile. Anyone who has a sister or a really close best friend, will probably be able to relate with this. It says to SAY to Wisdom, you are MY sister and regard Understanding as your intimate friend. What I picture is this... 3 girls, arm in arm, just skipping. I picture my sister(s) on one side, and a best friend on the other side. Just skipping. Arm in arm. Like girls do. That is the type of relationship we are to desire to have, and work towards having with Wisdom. One that is tight like a sisterhood, or intimate like a best friend, like someone you would tell anything too. Tight, that when no one else could tell you something, when you wouldn't be able to receive correction from anyone else in life, your intimate friend could tell you and you would receive it without offense. The picture of 3 girls skipping is infused in my mind as how it is supposed to be. Helpful to me.....  Well... let's get into the rest of the devotion... 


As you read Proverbs 7, like I, you read about this loose woman. This woman who leads men astray. Her whole desire is to lure men down a path, her path, but a path they should not be going. As I read Proverbs 7:22-25, my heart was just aching. My heart was wanting to cry out for this man, who reluctantly, is led down her path. Is following her. He's a good man, but is persuaded. The temptation is great. The enticement of danger or what is "off-limits" is exciting. Sin can be fun! This man, he sees a beautiful, seductive woman who wants HIM. She is luring and enticing him, he knows it is wrong to follow, but finally, the temptation is so great, that he gives in. My heart aches for him. As you read in the several verses (through 27), you read that him veering off onto her path, following her, giving in to her will cost him his life. This short term pleasure of sin, this pleasure of following his flesh will cost him his very life! You see that the "dart of passion" pierces his vitals. He is not the only one she has hurt. It says in verse 26 that she has wounded many, and all those whom she has slain are a MIGHTY number. It also tells us the ULTIMATE destination of her path, which is to Hades, hell. The ultimate choice of following her path leads to death. 


Well... early on in our marriage, I remember when I was between jobs at one point and I took at waitressing job for a few months. I had waitressed a lot in college, was good at it, and knew it could be good money. Praise the Lord that our first year in marriage, Tyler and I did a marriage evaluation each month. We had made up an evaluation that covered every topic imaginable that COULD lead to marital strife. Each month we both, separately, filled out the evaluation and came back together to discuss it. This was such a great tool for us as a newly wed couple to learn how to communicate even on difficult subjects. At the end of our evaluation we rated our marriage on a scale of 1-10, and listed WHY we rated it as we did. It was EXTREMELY helpful in learning how to communicate! 


So... I'm waitressing. As I go about my business, the kitchen manager starts randomly just saying nice things to me. He wasn't out of line, but as he said nice things, or gave me compliments, I started to notice that I really liked it. I started looking forward to going to work to get compliments. I was happily married. After a few times of receiving these compliments and realizing that I felt like I was blushing, I noticed what was happening. I even started to take those thoughts captive. I started to take those thoughts, the "good feeling" of being complimented, I started to take those thoughts captive and put them under the obedience of Christ Jesus. I would say or think, I am happily married. I'm in a covenant relationship. Tyler is an awesome husband. I have an amazing man that I'm married too. Well... then... one night I had a dream about the kitchen manager. I had a dream that he kissed me and that I LIKED IT! - I know! Oh my goodness! Now that was when I was really thrown for a loop! Wow, did I feel horrible then! It was a dream. I remember taking the dream captive and casting down those thoughts. At this point, though I felt really bad about my feelings that I had been having, I had known that I hadn't done anything wrong. Up to that point, I knew I had done everything that I knew possible to do, to make sure as a Christian I was doing what I needed to do. But, seriously, when you have a dream about another man, he kisses you AND you LIKED IT! Whoa! That's pretty intense feelings and emotions. I remember deciding that I was going to tell Tyler about it. I didn't have anything to feel bad about, or guilty about, but I knew that he could help me and pray for me with the situation. What a tough subject to approach! I finally found a good time to tell Tyler about it. It was hard. I told him about my feelings. I told him about the compliments, nothing "out of line", but they made me feel good. I told him about the dream and how I liked it. 


Wow! Then I asked Tyler to pray for me. I obviously didn't want to have these thoughts or conflicting feelings about someone other than my husband. What an experience. Well... I believe behind the scenes, at least on Tyler's end, it heightened a lot of things! It made him aware that he did need to pray for me. It also made him aware that maybe I was feeling these things because I was lacking getting compliments from him. As a whole, things did start changing. I believe it was due to a lot of things. Me not fighting the battle myself, but having my husband fight the battle with me. Me continuing to take EVERY thought captive and put it under the obedience of Christ Jesus. Tyler began complimenting me more, showing me more attention. It didn't take long, soon, the kitchen manager, was just the kitchen manager. I didn't get butterflies around him. I didn't look forward to seeing him. Soon, things were back to how they were supposed to be. 


If we are tempted to go down the road of the flattering man or flattering woman like it talks about in Proverbs 7, we don't have to fight the battle ourselves. Single or married. We can ask a friend, ask our spouse, ask a parent... we can ask someone to fight the battle with us. We don't have to do it alone, and we don't have to travel down a road that leads to death. We CAN overcome! We can win! 

#28 - The 72 Hour Rule *(kid censored)*

Good morning all! How are you?? I am enjoying a watermelon smoothie this morning, finishing off cup of coffee #2, and the boy has gotten a bottle and is probably tapped it off and snoozin by now. I am so excited you have joined me today in reading this post: "The 72 Hour Rule." Should be quite an interesting post.... I will be interested in hearing your thoughts and feedback. :) Some eye-brows may be raised during this one! :) Did you read the post from Friday? "Proverbs 31: The 'How To'"- What were your thoughts on it?? - If you did.... and if you've been following, you will know that today we are going to touch on Proverbs 5 and a verse from Proverbs 31:10-31. What verses do you think we are going to choose?? Well... let's roll on into things. :) 

Proverbs 31:12 - She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her. 

Proverbs 5:19 (KJV) - Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

Whoa! Proverbs 5:19 has always been one of my husbands favorite verses. (LOL) I'm sure he'll be real thrilled that I let you know that! But, there it is, in black and white. The bible talks about boobs! Whoa! May be a shocker to some. The Bible talks about a lot of pretty interesting stuff. For those people into the "romance novels", the sex, love, adultery, lying, cheating, killing, prostitutes.... wow, the Bible has it all! Definitely a great book to read if you are interested in it all! Proverbs 5 has been one chapter that I always think about when I am thinking about who is the OPPOSITE of our Proverbs 31 friend. What would be a polar opposite? The loose woman. Proverbs 5:3-10 gives a good breakdown of this "loose woman." Then, when we continue reading, we come across the call to faithfulness in Proverbs 5:15-20. A call to fidelity. A call to faithfulness. A call to one man being with one woman and not straying from his marriage bed. A call to children from one wife or one husband. A call to love and delighting in the physical passions between a married couple. Staying away from the "outsiders" of the world. Staying away from the seductive smile's of the man or woman at the office with the luring words. From real and costly experience, from the actual sin and lust, the adultery that David committed with Bathsheba, he gives a call, a cry out to his son to be faithful. After committing adultery, having Bathsheba's husband killed, her giving birth to their son conceived through their adulterous relationship, David speaks from the hardship of death. The baby, 7 days old, dying because of their sin. David is speaking in chapter 5 from the experience of sin and the loss sin has brought.


The Proverbs 31 woman.... she comforts, encourages & does her husband only good as long as there is life within her. Sex. That's our topic. Studies have shown that most men need to experience a release about every 72 hours. Therefore, in our house, Tyler & I have a 72 hour rule (applied when needed!) The "72 hour rule" is also accompanied with a "No-No" rule. Part of my call as a wife is to comfort my husband, to do him only good. Sex is part of comforting him. It allows him to have a release in what is pent up inside of him. Fulfilling his sexual needs is part of "doing him only good." A lot of our friends operate on the same "72 hour rule"... but those friends of Tyler's who do not and find out about it immediately have their mouth hanging agape. They are freaking out! "MAN! I wish my wife would agree to that! OH MAN! That would be SOOO awesome!" They frequently open up to Tyler and tell him how IN-frequently they have sex with their wife, and some of the things they have to do to release what their body makes. Right or wrong, men do what they feel they have too if their needs are not being met. 


Getting a bit personal here.... whoa! We implemented the 72 hour rule very early on in our marriage. The infamous question, "Do I need the 72 hour rule for myself?" Like most women, absolutely not! I could go for quite awhile and be fine. Do I feel obligated to climax every time I am "assisting" my husband? No. I am fulfilling a need. I am bringing comfort to him. I am doing him good. I must say that the "No-No" policy does come in pretty handy. What does that mean? We have a "No-No" policy. If one of us really needs "help", if we ask for "help", the other person can not say "No." Believe it or not, that really does even line up with the Word:

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 - For the wife does not have [exclusive] authority and control over her own body, but the husband [has his rights]; likewise also the husband does not have [exclusive] authority and control over his body, but the wife [has her rights]. Do not refuse and deprive and defraud each other [of your due marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves unhindered to prayer. But afterwards resume marital relations, lest Satan tempt you [to sin] through your lack of restraint of sexual desire.

My body is not my own, it is my husbands. Once married, part of my marital obligation and responsibility is to fulfill his sexual needs. AND the road goes both ways, his marital responsibility is to fulfill my sexual needs.


THE LOOSE WOMAN IS OUT THERE! - IF I decide I don't want too or don't feel like it... there are repercussions. My husband and myself both having "physical touch" needs.... even in 1 Corinthians 7, it talks about SATAN coming to tempt you because our inability to restrain from sexual temptation. I KNOW that the LOOSE WOMAN IS OUT THERE! So, as a wife, if you/we chose NOT to meet our husbands sexual needs... NEEDS, their body, their physical make-up creates sperm, it has to come out sometime..... so IF us wives do not meet their needs, there are several options for them .... and let me point out, they are not good options. Options that I would prefer NOT to happen. For the FEW - options to abstain may work for awhile. Otherwise, they could find release through masturbation. They could find it through pornography. And then there is the LOOSE WOMAN. Because as we read in Proverbs 5, she is out there! So the cute little secretary at work, not a picture of our Proverbs 31 woman, begins telling him how nice he looks. She makes sure to bend over the copy machine right when she knows he's looking. She wears lower cut blouses than normal to draw attention to him. Meanwhile, his appetite is large! His hormones are heightened because of his lack of "action from his wife." Often, that is when affairs begin. Is it completely HIS fault. NO. It is often almost equally the wife's fault for refusing or depriving her husband from sex. When the husband who is fulfilled at home, the wife is applying the 72 hour rule.... he walks right past the cute secretary who is bending over the copy machine, he doesn't even notice it. He avoids her. His hormones are not heightened to a state of NEED, that he is able to avoid the LOOSE WOMAN who is trying to lure him in to an affair.


So for my husband, may MY breasts satisfy him always. May I comfort and do him good ALWAYS! 


And what is good about the "No-No" Policy? Well.... if you are anything like me.... I do not know when I am going to be "in the mood." It could be at a pretty inconvenient time... but if it has been 2 weeks, and it's not at an opportune time.... IF Tyler said "No"....once the mood was gone, it could be another week or two weeks.... or the LOOSE MAN could come into the picture. The same thing applies to us women. We need our needs met too. When our needs are met at the time that we need them met, masturbation, pornography, or the "hot man at the office" isn't as much of a temptation for women either. In today's world with pornography so easily accessible, it should not be cast aside as something that someone in your house would not consider. If there are children in the house, teenagers....or even if it is just the husband and wife. There are too many sites available to provide a negative source of relief. What used to be a bit harder to come by, now is readily available.


There are also a lot of great web-sites out there that provide accountability or restrictions. Covenant Eyes is a great website that will email weekly updates and rate the websites that have been visited. They will also notify you on any sites that have been blocked. It is a priceless feature to cut down or eliminate the temptation that is available through the internet. Some staggering stats? (http://www.safefamilies.org/sfStats.php) Check this out and then tell me if a "control" wouldn't be helpful:

• 9 out of 10 children ages 8-16 have viewed pornography on the internet (many cases accidental).
• There were 1.3 million pornographic websites in 2003 (It's 2010 now! Has that number doubled? Tripled? Quadrupled by now?)
• 70% of men from 18-34 have visited a pornography website within the last month.
• 34% of FEMALE readers of Today's Christian Woman admitted to intentially accessing an Internet porn site.
• 47% of families say that pornography is a problem in their home! That is almost 1 out of 2 families!!! (Focus on the Family)
• 51% of pastors say that cyber-porn COULD BE a possible temptation.

SO, WHOA! Yah! I know, they are pretty gross statistics, but they are nonetheless a reality. 

Wives, Husbands.... meet the needs of your spouse. Don't refuse your spouse when they ask for help. As strong of a person as they may be, you may be turning them away, in their time of weakness to be one of these statistics. 

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As a PS - Husbands.... wives.... if you are going to apply the "No-No" Rule or the "72 hour Rule", do you think you are always going to be in the mood? Save yourself some trouble, NO you won't be. But... look at the benefits... by you serving your spouse in this area of marriage, you are helping save them from possible sin, from possible infidelity, from possible pain in your relationship. It is definitely a way you can serve your spouse! Blessing you with many happy years til "death do you part."