#50 - A Man Will DO More & BE More When....

Buenos dias! :) This afternoon we are going to pick blueberries again with some friends. It seems like "Thursdays" have become our fruit picking day! :) Well, I am going to believe now that it will be great, cool with a light breeze, and NO wasps, bees or fire-ants (or any other biting/stinging creatures!)


I had a nice DOR yesterday! I went to the $2.00 theatre and watched Karate Kid! :) It was really good. Jaden Smith does a good job as the little Karate Kid. :) Some good lessons in the movie about "respect", and language in the movie was good (only about 2-3 times the word a** was used in the beginning). So, overall, a good flick for kids too. :) 


Let's begin our devotion... get your steel-toed boots on today. :-/ 

Proverbs 12:4 - A virtuous and worthy wife [earnest and strong in character] is a crowning joy to her husband, but she who makes him ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 31:29 - Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.

Well, today's word stems from a few bits of conversation that I had with Tyler this morning as he was leaving for the day. If I were to guess.... I would anticipate many of you have had similar conversations with your spouse. Maybe different words, but the same context. Just to give you a bit of background... Tyler just downloaded a "To-Do/Task" matrix on his cell phone. It allows him to keep up with tasks or "delegate them" to someone else, date them for a future completion, etc, etc... Let's see if you can relate... 

T: Hey, I'm going to forward you an email of a few things to do.

A: Well, I'm not going to guarantee that it gets done today. I already have a lot of things I'm going to do. 

T: Well, you didn't even see what it is. It won't even take long. 

A: Well... I just know that I have lots to do, and if it was a lot of tasks that had to get done today, I just wanted you to know I didn't know if I'd get to them. But I can probably plan them into my calendar for later.

T: All I was going to do was ask you to drop off the dry cleaning. I have all my shirts laid out on my chair upstairs.  (*bit of frustration in his voice*)

A: Oh. Well, I can do that when we leave to pick blueberries. (*feeling a bit bad that such a big deal was made out of something that would be so easy to do now that I knew what it was* - Now outside, as he's walking to the garage.)

A: And ,your welcome for packing your lunch. (*A bit of sarcasm since he didn't say thank you.*)

T: And, Your welcome for me going to my job, making money and providing for our family. (*frustration in his voice because of feeling under-appreciated*)

There ya have it! :) The perfect world of the McCart's. :) It seems pretty small... but even just the "tension" in the air of our conversation wasn't a great way to begin, or set the stage for the day, for having a good day anyways. Then... of course, the Word continues to correct, teach, rebuke and help. All good things since we are all continuing to learn and grow. Correction is all a part of a believer who wants to grow. 


Proverbs 12 talked about being a crowning joy to her husband and of course that is something that I always want to be. A blessing. A joy. An encouragement. This morning was a good wake up call to the power of appreciation. Or the power of a lack of appreciation. Then as I continued to read in Proverbs 12, it talked about the wife who makes her husband ashamed, how she is as rottenness to his bones. Rottenness stinks, rotten breaks, rottenness brings fruit flies & bugs. There is nothing real good about rottenness. And I definitely do not want to be any of that to my husband. As I meditated on the word ashamed, I really came across ways that a wife can do that, can bring shame to her husband.


The wife can cause the husband to feel "Shame" or be "Ashamed" in several different ways....


Ashamed in Himself:

• Lack of Appreciation - Feeling like he is not appreciated. What he's doing goes over-looked as he goes works with the people, makes the sales calls, deals with "drama" that may come up with work. Deals with client problems. Deals with numbers, emails, voicemails, to-do lists, projects to complete, #'s to grow, $ income to increase, people to please, boss to make happy, and the list goes on. As he goes through ALL this, and rarely gets a "Thank You" for all he is doing to provide for his family. Lack of appreciation can cause dissatisfaction with work & disunity with the spouse.
• Lack of Accomplishment - Through her lack of appreciation, it shines light on their "Lack of Accomplishment". Sometimes causing him to feel shame in  how far along they are not. They have not gotten in life as far as they anticipated. They thought they would be further along in their goals, but they are not. She may mention or remind him of this with her attitude or words.
• Lack of Attainment - Through lack of appreciation, this can also make him feel like what he has provided doesn't make her happy. Even though he's doing everything he knows how to do, nothing is making her happy. 
• All of this making him feel like he is Not a good Provider - A man wants to know he is that "Hulk", "Mufasa", "King Kong", "He-Man". He wants to have the feeling of "beating his chest with his fists" and crying out "Oughhhh Oughhhh"... kinda like the "Tim 'The Tool Man' Taylor" would do on his show. Lack of Appreciation partnered with Lack of Accomplishment, then can cause a husband to feel like he is not a good provider. Then self-doubt sinks in. And the OPPOSITE begins to happen, instead of looking at where he can go, he may begin dwelling on what he is not. Who he is not, or has not been. Dwelling on failures and self instead of WHO GOD IS and WHAT GOD CAN DO through him. All of this self-imposed, or wife-imposed does not help the cause of progress, but directly can move them backwards. 

Ashamed in Her:

• Actions - Non-productive. She does things that are un-prayed about and un-productive. She focuses on self. Doesn't serve him. "The least will be greatest. The one who serves is the one who is great." - This statement doesn't show through her actions. She does not serve. Her actions are not helping to move their family forward financially or spiritually. Lazy. Unkept house. Lack of peace.
• Attitude - If she has a negative attitude all the time. Looks at the glass always as half empty instead of half full. Sharp tone. Sharp glares. Sharp words.
• Attire - Dressing sloppy... or doesn't wear make-up or do her hair for him.  Dressing in a way that would be too revealing. Wearing clothes that are either too short, tight, low-cut or just inappropriate. Causing him not to take pride in showing off his wife. "Wearing her around as his prize when he is out in public." Like he is showing off a gem. 
• Advancement - In her spiritual growth. In her physical fitness growth - being fit for HIM, to look good for HIM. In her PERSONAL growth. Reading books. In her fiscal growth - aspiring to make them money or save them money. Her not being a "shop-aholic" and spending money on things she and they do not need. 

WORK WITH YOUR MAN: 

• A man will do more and be more when he is VERBALLY appreciated. 
• A man will do more and be more when his wife treats him like her HERO. 
• A man will do more and be more when he is loved. 
• A man will do more and be more when he is RESPECTED. 
• A man will do more and be more when his wife's actions show that SHE is in agreement with him. She takes action towards their goals, you see her "buy-in" to their goals by what she does because she is moving in the same direction! Their actions are in unity!
• A man will do more and be more when he is served & treated like the King. She is the queen of the castle, but he wants to be her King!

I hope you didn't feel like this dwelled a lot on the negative. But... my goal is to avoid the negative and have my life dwell on the positive. Sometimes in order to do that, we need to know what the negative is. Are we inadvertently being negative in some way? Well... I know that I need to be more proactive with the POWER OF APPRECIATION! Actually with everything that was mentioned. I STILL have my work cut out for me. (I'm not even going to proof-read this today... arghhh!)

To Do:

Pick one thing today that you can apply. 

Prayer: 

Lord, In JESUS name, help me to be the help-mate to my spouse that you created me to be. Help me to encourage and lift up. Help me to serve even when it may not be "convenient" or fit into MY schedule. Help me to focus on loving and serving and being a spouse that allow my husband to MOVE MOUNTAINS because I believe in him. Through my words and actions, help my husband know that I believe he can do ANYTHING!! May I empower him to do great things! And may I help him to do great things. Prepare us Lord for what YOU have in store. For the GREATNESS you have for us! We thank you today for your protection according to Ps 91, and that we go out in FAVOR FAVOR FAVOR according to Proverbs 12:2. We love you and praise you in JESUS name, Amen!

#13 - Are you a Value Adder?

So... have you had those days? You go to bed in anticipation about a great next morning? Well.... typically Tuesday nights I just go to bed excited! Tuesday nights are great.... we have our business class, so I get to see lots of friends. I'm typically stretched in some form or fashion to do more or be more. I'm around an association of people who are doing more than the norm.... they are doing more than just sitting at home watching TV at night.... they are aspiring to be more, do more & make a positive Impact in the world. I enjoy the association, it has molded me and made me into a better person. Positive association is so crucial to our growth & development in our gifts. Recently on Tyler's vlog (video blog), he said, "If you do not know your purpose, if you do not know why you were put here on earth, get around people who know where they are going. Get around people who know their purpose and in time, that will give you a clue to what your purpose is." (Check out his YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/tylerhmccart)


Well, got home last night and jacked to see Ms Sherrie had done all the laundry, dishes, our sheets were changed and everything looked very tidy. She has been off the last 2 weeks so we were desperately looking forward to her return. She has been overcoming a lot of bone challenges.... so pray for her to be completely well. (And... I haven't done laundry real regular for 3 years! Ahhh! I could do it again, but wouldn't be too jacked about it.)


Slid into some new, clean, tight sheets.... so heavenly, my favorite and closed my eyes as I looked forward to my DOR (for the new folks.... that's - Day Of Rest). Every Tuesday night I look forward to Wednesday, being off. Not working. Not having a list of "To-Do's". Not setting an alarm clock. Just completely resting & enjoying the day. So, here's where it started out interesting. Not good sign #1: Woke up to the boy crying. I thought... "Bummer.... hopefully he'll go back to sleep." Went down to get my coffee, listened to the boy a bit more and could tell he wasn't going back to sleep, so we'll get him up and feed him. Not good sign #2: After feeding the boy, Tyler asked, "Where are you going with the laptop?" .......so.... annoyance began to set in. I'm thinking, "DUH! I'm going where I usually go." I was definitely getting annoyed at that point. Not good sign #3: Tyler talked about us needing to change up our DOR's and take them different days from each other. Totally annoyed me, but.... is totally true. (Having a child throws a whole new thing into the mix, which sometimes can make it "not" restful or relaxing....especially if you are looking to have a nice quiet time with the Lord.) Not good sign #4: Apologies. I headed outside, totally annoyed with Tyler. I thought, "I just want to start my Quiet Time and now I'm annoyed and annoyed and AHHHH! I don't even feel like I'm at mental place to even want to spend time with the Lord. Even though I apologized, doesn't mean I'm still not annoyed..... and definitely just being in a bit of a bad mood now." I even cried a little. Don't you hate it when you cry and know that there's not really a "good" reason for it?


That's where it all began. Have you ever had days like that? I left out "Not good Sign #5, #6, #7" .... thought I would spare you the ANNOYANCE of having to read!


Here's the crossroad. Road #1 - Just have a crappy attitude. "Well dang it! My day started out crappy, so I'm just going to have the rest of it be crappy. Stomp around. Slam cupboards. Not look at Tyler when I go back inside and just give him a guilt treatment. And just be mad the rest of the day. (Even as I write that, I noticed I'm typing hard on the keyboard! You know when you're mad, you slam the keys down! haha!) Or Road #2 - Realize Tyler was not trying to upset me. He really didn't even do anything wrong. Just start over now. DECIDE to have a positive attitude and enjoy this DOR. Enjoy the rest of this day despite it's beginnings.


Reluctantly, I guess I will choose Road #2. I'm really mentally having to work my way into that road.


So...let us begin! :)

Proverbs 31:20 - She opens her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy [whether in body, mind, or spirit].

Proverbs 9:3-5 - Wisdom... has sent her maids to cry out.... Whoever is simple (easily led astray and wavering), let him turn in here! As for him who lacks understanding, [God's] Wisdom says to him, Come, eat of my bread and drink...

Proverbs 9:13-17 - The foolish woman is noisy... calling to those who pass.... Whoever is simple (wavering and easily led astray), let him turn in here! And as for him who lacks understanding, she says to him, Stolen waters (pleasures) are sweet [because they are forbidden]; and bread eaten in secret is pleasant...

Voices are going to call out regardless. Wisdom is on a mission to make a difference. Wisdom is on a mission to allow the lost to turn down her path, to bring them down the path of understanding so they will not follow the road that leads to death. Wisdom sends out her maids to CRY OUT, because Wisdom most likely knows that the foolish woman will be yelling too! The foolish woman, whose road leads to death will be calling out, luring and tempting, "Come down my road!"

All the while, our Proverbs 31 friend PRO-ACTIVELY also reaches out. She is reaching out to the needy...... like Wisdom calls out to make a difference, to bring others to her path in Proverbs 9, our Proverbs 31 friend is also PRO-ACTIVELY reaching out to make a difference. It didn't say that the needy came knocking down her door asking for help, food, guidance, direction. Our Proverbs 31 friend chooses to be a VAR. In the "corporate world" which I left... we talked about VAR's a lot.... those companies that were "Value Adding Relationships". Our Proverbs 31 woman chooses to be a VAR. She chooses to be a VALUE ADDER in the lives of others. She isn't counting what she is going to get out of it, she is just choosing to give, to be a VALUE ADDER into the lives of those who need it. She is "reaching her hand out, calling out to those who may be going down the wrong path, and she says, "Come this way. Eat. Drink....travel this path."

Well... I hear the boy inside. Since my day has been a bit "unconventional"... I should probably go "play mom".

Food for thought.... 
First, Who can you add value to today? 
Secondly...what is going to determine your day? When things go bad....do those circumstances control the outcome of the rest of your day? Do YOU control having a good day, or do the circumstances control you?