#50 - A Man Will DO More & BE More When....

Buenos dias! :) This afternoon we are going to pick blueberries again with some friends. It seems like "Thursdays" have become our fruit picking day! :) Well, I am going to believe now that it will be great, cool with a light breeze, and NO wasps, bees or fire-ants (or any other biting/stinging creatures!)


I had a nice DOR yesterday! I went to the $2.00 theatre and watched Karate Kid! :) It was really good. Jaden Smith does a good job as the little Karate Kid. :) Some good lessons in the movie about "respect", and language in the movie was good (only about 2-3 times the word a** was used in the beginning). So, overall, a good flick for kids too. :) 


Let's begin our devotion... get your steel-toed boots on today. :-/ 

Proverbs 12:4 - A virtuous and worthy wife [earnest and strong in character] is a crowning joy to her husband, but she who makes him ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 31:29 - Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.

Well, today's word stems from a few bits of conversation that I had with Tyler this morning as he was leaving for the day. If I were to guess.... I would anticipate many of you have had similar conversations with your spouse. Maybe different words, but the same context. Just to give you a bit of background... Tyler just downloaded a "To-Do/Task" matrix on his cell phone. It allows him to keep up with tasks or "delegate them" to someone else, date them for a future completion, etc, etc... Let's see if you can relate... 

T: Hey, I'm going to forward you an email of a few things to do.

A: Well, I'm not going to guarantee that it gets done today. I already have a lot of things I'm going to do. 

T: Well, you didn't even see what it is. It won't even take long. 

A: Well... I just know that I have lots to do, and if it was a lot of tasks that had to get done today, I just wanted you to know I didn't know if I'd get to them. But I can probably plan them into my calendar for later.

T: All I was going to do was ask you to drop off the dry cleaning. I have all my shirts laid out on my chair upstairs.  (*bit of frustration in his voice*)

A: Oh. Well, I can do that when we leave to pick blueberries. (*feeling a bit bad that such a big deal was made out of something that would be so easy to do now that I knew what it was* - Now outside, as he's walking to the garage.)

A: And ,your welcome for packing your lunch. (*A bit of sarcasm since he didn't say thank you.*)

T: And, Your welcome for me going to my job, making money and providing for our family. (*frustration in his voice because of feeling under-appreciated*)

There ya have it! :) The perfect world of the McCart's. :) It seems pretty small... but even just the "tension" in the air of our conversation wasn't a great way to begin, or set the stage for the day, for having a good day anyways. Then... of course, the Word continues to correct, teach, rebuke and help. All good things since we are all continuing to learn and grow. Correction is all a part of a believer who wants to grow. 


Proverbs 12 talked about being a crowning joy to her husband and of course that is something that I always want to be. A blessing. A joy. An encouragement. This morning was a good wake up call to the power of appreciation. Or the power of a lack of appreciation. Then as I continued to read in Proverbs 12, it talked about the wife who makes her husband ashamed, how she is as rottenness to his bones. Rottenness stinks, rotten breaks, rottenness brings fruit flies & bugs. There is nothing real good about rottenness. And I definitely do not want to be any of that to my husband. As I meditated on the word ashamed, I really came across ways that a wife can do that, can bring shame to her husband.


The wife can cause the husband to feel "Shame" or be "Ashamed" in several different ways....


Ashamed in Himself:

• Lack of Appreciation - Feeling like he is not appreciated. What he's doing goes over-looked as he goes works with the people, makes the sales calls, deals with "drama" that may come up with work. Deals with client problems. Deals with numbers, emails, voicemails, to-do lists, projects to complete, #'s to grow, $ income to increase, people to please, boss to make happy, and the list goes on. As he goes through ALL this, and rarely gets a "Thank You" for all he is doing to provide for his family. Lack of appreciation can cause dissatisfaction with work & disunity with the spouse.
• Lack of Accomplishment - Through her lack of appreciation, it shines light on their "Lack of Accomplishment". Sometimes causing him to feel shame in  how far along they are not. They have not gotten in life as far as they anticipated. They thought they would be further along in their goals, but they are not. She may mention or remind him of this with her attitude or words.
• Lack of Attainment - Through lack of appreciation, this can also make him feel like what he has provided doesn't make her happy. Even though he's doing everything he knows how to do, nothing is making her happy. 
• All of this making him feel like he is Not a good Provider - A man wants to know he is that "Hulk", "Mufasa", "King Kong", "He-Man". He wants to have the feeling of "beating his chest with his fists" and crying out "Oughhhh Oughhhh"... kinda like the "Tim 'The Tool Man' Taylor" would do on his show. Lack of Appreciation partnered with Lack of Accomplishment, then can cause a husband to feel like he is not a good provider. Then self-doubt sinks in. And the OPPOSITE begins to happen, instead of looking at where he can go, he may begin dwelling on what he is not. Who he is not, or has not been. Dwelling on failures and self instead of WHO GOD IS and WHAT GOD CAN DO through him. All of this self-imposed, or wife-imposed does not help the cause of progress, but directly can move them backwards. 

Ashamed in Her:

• Actions - Non-productive. She does things that are un-prayed about and un-productive. She focuses on self. Doesn't serve him. "The least will be greatest. The one who serves is the one who is great." - This statement doesn't show through her actions. She does not serve. Her actions are not helping to move their family forward financially or spiritually. Lazy. Unkept house. Lack of peace.
• Attitude - If she has a negative attitude all the time. Looks at the glass always as half empty instead of half full. Sharp tone. Sharp glares. Sharp words.
• Attire - Dressing sloppy... or doesn't wear make-up or do her hair for him.  Dressing in a way that would be too revealing. Wearing clothes that are either too short, tight, low-cut or just inappropriate. Causing him not to take pride in showing off his wife. "Wearing her around as his prize when he is out in public." Like he is showing off a gem. 
• Advancement - In her spiritual growth. In her physical fitness growth - being fit for HIM, to look good for HIM. In her PERSONAL growth. Reading books. In her fiscal growth - aspiring to make them money or save them money. Her not being a "shop-aholic" and spending money on things she and they do not need. 

WORK WITH YOUR MAN: 

• A man will do more and be more when he is VERBALLY appreciated. 
• A man will do more and be more when his wife treats him like her HERO. 
• A man will do more and be more when he is loved. 
• A man will do more and be more when he is RESPECTED. 
• A man will do more and be more when his wife's actions show that SHE is in agreement with him. She takes action towards their goals, you see her "buy-in" to their goals by what she does because she is moving in the same direction! Their actions are in unity!
• A man will do more and be more when he is served & treated like the King. She is the queen of the castle, but he wants to be her King!

I hope you didn't feel like this dwelled a lot on the negative. But... my goal is to avoid the negative and have my life dwell on the positive. Sometimes in order to do that, we need to know what the negative is. Are we inadvertently being negative in some way? Well... I know that I need to be more proactive with the POWER OF APPRECIATION! Actually with everything that was mentioned. I STILL have my work cut out for me. (I'm not even going to proof-read this today... arghhh!)

To Do:

Pick one thing today that you can apply. 

Prayer: 

Lord, In JESUS name, help me to be the help-mate to my spouse that you created me to be. Help me to encourage and lift up. Help me to serve even when it may not be "convenient" or fit into MY schedule. Help me to focus on loving and serving and being a spouse that allow my husband to MOVE MOUNTAINS because I believe in him. Through my words and actions, help my husband know that I believe he can do ANYTHING!! May I empower him to do great things! And may I help him to do great things. Prepare us Lord for what YOU have in store. For the GREATNESS you have for us! We thank you today for your protection according to Ps 91, and that we go out in FAVOR FAVOR FAVOR according to Proverbs 12:2. We love you and praise you in JESUS name, Amen!

#15 - Elegance & Discretion: Does it describe you?

Buenos dias! :) It's a beautiful morning here in Columbia, South Carolina! Hear the starting & stopping of the "recycle truck" & it's squeaky breaks. They just picked up our recycling.... we have 3 different trash days! Isn't that interesting!?! I thought it was a bit overboard...but you put different stuff out on the different days. Nothing like 1 more thing to remember. :) But....recycling is good, so I guess I'll continue to keep it separate. :)


So yes.....what am I enjoying right now??? You've guessed it, my 2nd cup of Hazelnut Vanilla Kahve coffee....this morning with French Vanilla creamer to a nice shade of blonde! Yummy! If you remember in an earlier post, I mentioned drinking coffee at my Grandma Ellis' house when I was little. We called it Alligator Juice! She made it SOOO yummy! Granted, it was probably just a little bit of coffee, probably half milk and a LOT of sugar! Taste of goodness..... I guess it was probably a similar shade of blonde as what I drink today! HA! That is funny. :) We called it Alligator Juice because we drank out of this little Alligator mug. My parents were over at my grandparents house the other week and FOUND IT! Slid to the back corner on the top of a shelf, the little glass "Alligator" mug that had went through FOUR kids was still in tack. Wow. When my dad visited last week, he brought it with him. So, I'm sure the tradition will continue and most likely, Tyler Jr will enjoy Alligator Juice when he is old enough. Love it!

So, there ya have it! The mug I drank out of 30 years ago! Wouldn't that classify it as an antique?! ha!

Well, I enjoyed talking to my little brother last night.... ok, he's not that little. He's a fitness model & a cutie. Even better, he's seeking after the heart of God for his life. He said something that I thought was kinda nice...since he lives in California, I don't see him very much, but he said, "Amy, I feel like when I read your blog, I'm just sitting there with you and we are getting in the Word together." That made me smile. What a sweet thing to hear from your little brother! I'm glad. I hope the rest of you feel like that too. I definitely don't claim to be the expert, nor the top scholar, nor perfect in any of the areas which I have talked or will talk about....but, I can tell you that for the last 14 years I have been studying, reading, praying, meditating & seeking out the face and will of my Father. And who knows, ONE Word from God can be greater than 1,000 words from some stout Bible scholar! Can I get a witness! (lol!) 

Since talking to my brother, let me also preface what I read every morning. If you would like to do the same, I definitely invite you to join me. Each morning I read a chapter in Proverbs. Since their are 31 chapters, it's perfect to just continue to go through Proverbs every month. So, today is June 11th, we will read Proverbs 11. Also, as a woman of God, since my desire is the be that "Ultimate Woman" that it talks about in Proverbs 31, I also read Proverbs 31:10-31 every morning. What it allows me to do is pull some insight from the Proverbs I read, and see how it can cross-reference to our Proverbs 31 friends. My encouragement to you?

MEN: Single & Married - If you are Single, I encourage you to read this also, like I do. Yes, you obviously are not going to be aspiring to be a Proverbs 31 woman, but meditating on and KNOWING this woman is pretty important to you! If you are looking for an awesome, Godly woman, wouldn't it be good to know what she looks like? Wouldn't it be good to not settle for less than what God has for you? Read about, meditate on, study out who this woman is! I have been doing this for a year now & EVERY DAY I continue to get something new! It is amazing!!! If you are married, congrats! Knowing who this woman is will allow you to know how to pray better for your wife. Also, how to encourage your wife. If you feel like she has done something really well, encourage her, "Wow honey! Check you out with your buff arms! You are my Proverbs 31 woman! It talks about her strong, firm arms in verse 17. I'm so proud of you and blessed that I'm married to a Proverbs 31 woman." I would definitely encourage you not to say something like, "Woman! Don't you know that the Proverbs 31 woman has firm arms?! Now, get down there and do some push-ups!" LOL! I would be tempted to put the SMACK DOWN! But, as a married man, it can provide a guidepost for you to pray for your wife as well as encourage your wife. And I bet, when you start encouraging her, it will set her on the path to wanting to read, mediate on, and become this amazing woman it talks about in Proverbs 31:10-31. 

WOMEN: Single & Married - All the same for you! What would be a good goal for you? To read & mediate on this! God has so much for us as women & we have so much power. There is a lot of power in submission. After reading these posts, who knows that this Proverbs 31 woman is not a weak woman, nor is she a doormat! She isn't someone who just lays down to get walked on. She is a STRONG woman of God. But not strong out of defiance, strong in dignity & elegance. Strong in character & lasting beauty. Women, I'm not a betting person, but if I were I would bet that you could read this every day, the rest of your life & the Lord still continue to reveal more to you as you meditate on His Word. Because you know, meditating is listening to the Lord. Meditating is being quiet and listening to see what the Lord, the Holy Spirit has to say to YOU specifically about a certain verse. Valuable? I would say yes! 

So, there is my preface! Let's get in some Word this morning!

Proverbs 11:22 - As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman who is without discretion.

Proverbs 31:25 - Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future [the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]!

Wow. 

Let's break down 11:22 - "Fair" in the Hebrew text is meaning: fair, beautiful, handsome. "Without" in the Hebrew text means: turn aside, depart, avoid, reject, abolish, etc.

The Dictionary describes "discretion" or "discreet" as, having or showing discernment or good judgement. So, Proverbs 11:22 if we used some of the Hebrew text and meanings, this verse could be similarly broken down as: "As a beautiful adorning jewel, so awkwardly adorned in a pigs nose, so is a beautiful woman or wife who departs from, who avoids, who removes good taste & judgement."

Now, this brings me back a bit...if you can imagine, I used to be quite the little heathen and Proverbs 11:22 unfortunately sounds like who & what I used to be. Before walking with the Lord, not only did I party, but I also dressed the part. I had the "goods" to flaunt & show off, so since I knew I could draw attention to my chest, guess what I did? I dressed the part! Man...I remember this one "bodysuit" I had...it was a very cute pattern, obviously tight, but there was a big hole cut out out of the cleavage area to draw ones eyes right there! It definitely showed off the goods! When you saw me, man or woman, that is where your eyes were drawn too. And, that was my goal! I so desperately wanted attention. I wanted to be noticed. I had this emptiness inside & I was trying to fill it by acceptance. I wanted to be told I was pretty or attractive. I wanted to be felt important. I was insecure in so many other areas, that I thought, If I can just be noticed, if someone takes interest in me, they will at least think I'm beautiful. What I didn't realize at the time was this, what I was doing was as if I were adorning a pig with really expensive jewels. I was taking myself out of context. Just like a pig is not meant to have jewels or beautiful things on it, a pig is meant to be in the mud, to be stinky, to snort, to be dirty, to roll around in wet, stinky mud. But here I was doing "that" with my body & appearance. The pig and I were switching roles. I was meant to be elegant an beautiful, not cheap & dirty. Not one to draw onlookers who were also dirty & secretly had desires & lusts of the flesh. Did I want to be who this gross man envisioned in his dirty daydreams? Sounds disgusting. 

First Corinthians 13:11 says, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." - This verse comes to mind for me, or a growing Christian, a godly woman. In my words it could be said, "When I became a follower of Christ, I put away old ways. I put away my childish ways of dress & became a woman of God. I now talk like a woman of God, think like a woman of God & dress like a woman of God. I put my old, childish, worldly ways behind me. How I dressed, what I wore. I no longer am seeking approval from the world. I no longer want to be the fantasies of single or married men." 

Men are visual people. Why is pornography such a challenge? It is the visual, it is the seeing. My husband and I will kinda look at each other and laugh a little, when we see someone who is showing off particularly their chest, he is often the first to say, "Ok, gotta bounce the eyes." I know exactly what he is talking about. Some woman is wearing very revealing clothing & he is trying to avoid where this person is trying to draw his attention, to their boobs, to their cleavage. As a wife, it sometimes makes me a little mad.....but, I was once lost & I too, was once trying to fill a void in the way I dressed. 

Women, there is something better! Look at Proverbs 31:25 again. Our Proverbs 31 woman has strength & dignity as her clothing AND her position is strong & secure. In the King James Version it replaces the word "dignity" for "honor". Honor breaks down in the Hebrew as splendour, majesty, ornament, honour, glory. So, our Proverbs 31 woman & friend is not wearing one boring color of clothing. She is not wearing some non-trendy brown, sack-cloth of a dress. She is clothed with majesty, she is clothed with jewels and glory. Doesn't it just sound like a princess or a queen? It makes me just want to close my eyes and picture myself in a beautiful gown that has jewels, beautiful, fine fabric..... spinning around sparkling. :) Like a princess, like a queen. Our Proverbs 31 friend is beautiful! Why is "strength" her clothing? Because she is so STRONG in EVERY sense of the word, she does not need dirty beauty to bring her to a lowly state. She stands tall, she walks tall, she is adorned with glory & beauty. I guaranty she is not showing off her booty because her skirt is so short when she bends over, nor are men drawn to her chest because she isn't leaving any room for their imagination since she is not showing it all off. No, when our Proverbs 31 woman walks in, yes she draws attention because she is stunning. She glows with the beauty of Christ, she walks in elegance, humility but pride as she knows who she is and whose she is. She does not need artificial acceptance from someone who is not her own. She is saved for one man, her husband. Our single Proverbs 31 woman is saved for ONE man, the man who will one day be her husband, and until the day she says "I do" at the alter, she is saved for her soul mate, her husband. The show is closed for every other man on the planet. She is a One-Man sorta Girl! 

Food for thought. I have seen business women & godly women. And isn't it awesome when they are clothed with dignity? They look so beautiful & elegant but with discretion. I think of a lady I saw once. She wore a lined off-white business suit, a tank top under the jacket. She looked stunning. It was elegant & beautiful. I guaranty more men thought that day that she was beautiful because she looked full of grace. 

A challenge: 

Ladies... who are you representing? Does your dress represent the woman who is looking to make some money on a street corner? Or does your dress represent the elegant princess or queen, adorned with majesty & honor? You know you can still be trendy without making men stumble. Without luring men into the temptation of pornography. Visual things stimulate that temptation. Do you want to be the cause of someone else's sin?

Men... who are you looking for? Who does your girlfriend resemble? The Proverbs 31 woman or the "loose" woman we read about in Proverbs 5? Do you compliment your wife when her dress resembles the Proverbs 31 woman? What is edified happens. What is complimented gets repeated. 

Elegance & discretion. Does it describe you? Or better yet, if others described you, what would they say?

Take an inventory today. :)