#270 - The Mom of "COMPARISON"

Let's be honest mom's, we've all done it. Done what? You know, done it. Sat there comparing ourselves to that other mom. Or on a really bad day, maybe we just sat there comparing ourselves to LOTS of other mom's… having one of those moments where we just didn't feel good enough, so let's just rehearse all the things that other mom's do better than we do! 

How exhausting!

The list may go something like this: 

She makes healthier dinners than I do. She buys the good organic stuff.Her kids don't eat much junk food. Her house is always clean. Look how good her kids behave, I never see them fight. Her kids have such great manners. She's in great shape! I mean, how does she have a stomach like that after having 3 kids?!She seems like such a nice mom. Her kids get to be in so many fun activities. She and her husband are such a good looking couple. She and her husband must be so good at handling their money, I have no idea how they live in such a nice house.  She is so disciplined at working out.I'm sure my kids watch more TV than her kids. Her kids probably color, use scissors, glue and do crafts.

And the list goes on.

Proverbs 31:10a - A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman—who is he who can find her?

I'm thankful for the Proverbs 31 woman, and I'm thankful that as a believer, I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me. Why? Well, I'll answer the latter part first.

I'm thankful the Holy Spirit lives inside of me. 
A few years ago, as a newer mom, I was feeling a little overwhelmed. So many mom's that I was around seemed to have everything together. I couldn't figure out how I could do everything, raise my kids up in a godly manner, work out and stay fit, and cook, clean, get up early to read my Bible… yaddee yaddee yaddee. It was one of those days for me. As I sat looking at everyone else's strengths, I wallowed in all of my short-comings. And as I sat there wallowing, I felt like the Holy Spirit whispered to me, "Just focus on the atmosphere. Create an atmosphere where I am involved, and you will be the best mom that you were created to be." 

So… I had permission NOT to be the mom of the year by the "worlds" standard by being involved in everything under the sun. I had permission to just be ME while creating an atmosphere which invited the Holy Spirit.

What. A. Relief. 

As far as the Proverbs 31 woman…. I've come to more and more of the realization that as I focus on being that woman, I don't have to search for her in so many other people. I don't have to compare when I'm focused on just being.  If you read the whole section, Proverbs 31:10-31, you'll notice that she really is amazing! I can imagine, between her doing everything that she did, there was no time for comparing. For me, if I just focus on being who God created me to be, being the Proverbs 31 woman in my own life, being and listening to the direction that the Holy Spirit leads me each day, then I won't not only not have time to compare, but I won't even see the opportunities where I could compare. I will be to busy being!

So… girlfriend…. today, when you're tempted to think that other mom is thinking about you or how your kids are behaving when she looks your way, dismiss it! Focus on not wasting your time and energy on the comparison game. Focus on BEING the Proverbs 31 woman that God created you to be! When you are in the pursuit of THAT woman inside of you, you will not have time to compare yourself to Susie Homemaker. 

Girlfriend, PURSUE the YOU that God created you to be! Pursue that Proverbs 31 woman on the inside of you!

Your Christian Friends, "The Joneses"

2 Cor. 10:12b - … but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.

We've all heard about the Jones family. At one time or another, Christian or not Christian, we have probably been tempted to compare ourselves to The Joneses. Most commonly in the world it's categorized as "Keeping up with The Joneses."   People often compare when The Joneses get a new car or new house, new shoes, new purse, new swing set for the kids or new go-cart for their kids, new this, new that, the list goes on.

Just because we're Christians, it doesn't mean we are exempt from "The Joneses" syndrome. Although, most recently, I've noticed that we may not always be comparing material things but comparing significance, comparing assignments. "Well she is doing 'this' for the Kingdom of God." Or, "Their family is going on a mission trip." "He is writing a book." "She launched a ministry." As believers, we may find ourselves looking at our own life and the calling on our life, feeling insignificant in where we are at or dissatisfied, then we compare to another believer who just did something great. We may have thoughts like, "They seem to have it all together, while I'm doing the monotonous day-to-day things around my house."

Just this week, I came across the verse in 2 Corinthians. Verse twelve of chapter 10 really is specific about this whole topic of "comparing." But they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. 

Friend, I have been guilty of it too! Finding myself looking at "the calling" or "the assignment" some of my friends or family may have, then comparing myself to them, or even feeling contempt towards them. Looking at what they are doing and thinking it looks much greater than what I am doing. Feeling jealous or discouraged. Well, isn't it interesting, that is when the Holy Spirit comes and gives us a nice little reminder. Here's what he had told me…

You have YOUR OWN assignment. Don't focus on what others are doing. Focus on what GOD has called YOU to do. YOUR assignment!!

Each person has a different assignment. If we were ALL The Joneses, we would be without many parts to the body of Christ. If we focus on other peoples assignment and not our own, we are missing the strength zone that God has called US to operate in! If we are trying to operate in someone else's gifting, and not our own, we will most assuredly come up short! YOU are the only one who can complete your assignment! Next time that Christian couple in your Bible study does something great for the Kingdom, instead of coveting their seeming "significance" in the Kingdom rejoice with them that they are doing their part of the group project! Get before the Lord in prayer and determine, "What is my assignment? What am I suppose to be doing for the Kingdom on a daily basis?" Then put on your blinders! Applaud your friends, but let's not compare! It leaves us frustrated and discouraged.

A Call to Greatness

1 Kings 4:22-23 - Solomon’s provision for one day was thirty measures of fine flour, sixty measures of meal, Ten fat oxen, twenty pasture-fed cattle, a hundred sheep, besides harts, gazelles, roebucks, and fatted fowl of choice kinds.

Have you ever stood in awe of someone. Have you ever thought, "Wow, to be that great!" Have you craved to have the success of someone else. If only I could be as good as ___________. If only I could accomplish what they have accomplished. If only I could make it to where they have. If only..... If only.... 

I spent some time this morning actually studying on 1 Kings 4:22-23. The word "provision" really caught my attention. I was astounded to read about what King Solomon needed for only ONE day, surely I could at least get to a fraction of that one day (a larger fraction than I currently contribute too...aka... us having provision for more than just our household).

Anyways... here are some of the numbers that I did the math on....

King Solomon needed for the Month:

• 310 fat oxen

• 620 cattle

• 3100 sheep

• 1 Cow = 1,600 servings of 4 ounces (1/4 pound)

• 1 Sheep = would feed 70.5 people at 1/2 pound serving each.

• 1 Ox = approx. same as 1 cow (maybe a bit more since it was a fattened ox) 

• 10 fattened oxen = 16,000 servings of 4 ounces

• 20 cattle = 32,000 servings of 4 ounces

• 100 sheep = 14,100 servings of 4 ounces

• Grand TOTAL: 62,100 servings of 4 ounces/day OR 31,050 servings of 8 ounces/day.

SO... IN ONE DAY.... How many people was King Solomon feeding.... well, let's just look at some of the numbers. 

According to WebMD, averaging out men (56 grams) and women (46 grams), we should get about 50 grams of protein/day. That is equivalent to 8 ounces of meat. 

SO... if all the meat alone was used for taking care of King Solomon's household (I'm sure maybe some of the cattle was allotted towards milk... but let's just say it was all for eating), King Solomon was given that provision to feed HIS household of 31,050 people PER DAY! That is pretty amazing!

I got to thinking... "Wow...if I could only be a fraction of that great. That would be pretty neat." I could not even fathom how great King Solomon was. As I sat and thought, I couldn't even fathom the great responsibility he had. Then, as always, the Holy Spirit was quick to correct me. 

His responsibility was extremely great and totally different than yours. A few things to consider... EACH has a different calling in life. Do your best not to compare your calling to someone else's. I have put seeds of greatness in everyone. YOUR gifts are different than the next person. YOUR goal should be to MAXIMIZE your OWN gifts & calling. It should NEVER be; "to be as good as ________," or "to accomplish as much as _____________." What if MY desire is for you to accomplish more than say ________________. If you set your goal merely on where you see them today and where you want to be today, you will miss it! You will miss my best. Focus on MY best. Focus on MY calling for your life!!

As we look at the greatness of King Solomon, we may have never desired to be "that" great. But... what about your neighbor? Your boss? The Joneses? Your best friend? Your uncle? A business associate? Are your sights on what they have accomplished? I challenge you today, reset your sights. Set your sights on what GOD would have you accomplish with your life? He did say in Ephesians 4:20 that He, is at work within us, is able to carry out His purpose and do superabundantly, far over and above all that we dare ask or think, infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams. 

Today.... allow your imagination to run! Can you focus on the calling God has for YOU to accomplish.  Because if you can, your highest prayers, desires & dreams can come to pass on this earth. He would not have placed them in your heart if they couldn't. YOU, my friend, were called to greatness! Your job? Seek HIM and find out exactly how you should accomplish the assignment that HE has set out for your life! 

#221 - Comparing!

Proverbs 18:24 - The man of many friends [a friend of all the world] will prove himself a bad friend, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 31:30a - Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain...

She has more friends than I do.
She's prettier than me.
She always has such a cute outfit on.
People invite her places all the time.
Her house is nicer than mine.
She is so nice.
She's always buying something new.
She is always doing something fun.
She & her husband always go out to eat.
Money doesn't ever seem like a big deal to her.
She's so good at making things.
She throws lots of parties.

Who is the "she" in your life? Who are the "Joneses" in your life? Are they there? Do you find yourself frequently discontent only when you look at the life of someone else? If you are truly just looking at your life, living your day, you actually like it.... you enjoy your life, until you compare it?

It's interesting, I found the Holy Spirit revealing some things to me this morning about this very issue. As I reflected on the "Joneses" in my life, I found myself realizing, all the areas where I felt inadequate or insecure (ie: all of their strengths), mirrored a lifestyle that would not even fulfill me. As I thought about my true perfect day, it would not be doing the daily and weekly activities that the Joneses did.

Tyler was sharing with me about a recent audio he listened to. It was by Marita Litweiller (author of Wired That Way). She went on to describe personality types. How opposites attract. What brings energy and life to different people. What energizes one person would be completely draining to the next person. They were not designed for that 'strength.' Where one person is energized by working out, running, lifting weights... the thought of being so "die-hard" would be draining to someone else. Equally, the bubbly wife always entertaining guests week after week, would be draining to the next mom. We were not all designed to be the same. We were designed to be different. We begin to get drained when we are trying to BE & DO those things that are a strength of someone else. Whether your a "one-person friend" or a "30 person friend," it's OK! You were designed just that way!

In the King James Version of Proverbs 31:30 it begins with, "Favour is deceitful, beauty is vain..." "Favour" in the Hebrew is also defined as "acceptance." "Deceitful" is also described as: in vain, disappointment, lie, wrong. So we're not just talking about the charming and graceful woman here in verse 30. We can look at it in a whole new way! We could also say this, "The woman who focused on being accepted is deceived, disappointed, living a lie. She is operating in vain."

Our desire to be accepted, to be like the "Joneses," to be like that co-worker who seems to have it all together is all vain. It all brings disappointment. I've heard this phrase that is helpful: "You will only ever be SECOND best if you try to be someone else, but you can be #1 at being the best YOU!" 


You can finish #1 ALL THE TIME when you are focusing at being the #1 YOU! When we compare, we will always find ourselves disappointed and discouraged. What are YOUR strengths? What is YOUR perfect day? What makes YOU happy? Focusing on those questions will help us to really experience fulfillment in this walk through life as a Christian. You are not called to be like "her." Be the best YOU and feel the wonderful release of pressure you've placed on yourself to be like someone else!