Thursday, August 12, 2010

#50 - A Man Will DO More & BE More When....

Buenos dias! :) This afternoon we are going to pick blueberries again with some friends. It seems like "Thursdays" have become our fruit picking day! :) Well, I am going to believe now that it will be great, cool with a light breeze, and NO wasps, bees or fire-ants (or any other biting/stinging creatures!)

I had a nice DOR yesterday! I went to the $2.00 theatre and watched Karate Kid! :) It was really good. Jaden Smith does a good job as the little Karate Kid. :) Some good lessons in the movie about "respect", and language in the movie was good (only about 2-3 times the word a** was used in the beginning). So, overall, a good flick for kids too. :) 

Let's begin our devotion... get your steel-toed boots on today. :-/ 
Proverbs 12:4 - A virtuous and worthy wife [earnest and strong in character] is a crowning joy to her husband, but she who makes him ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
Proverbs 31:29 - Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.
Well, today's word stems from a few bits of conversation that I had with Tyler this morning as he was leaving for the day. If I were to guess.... I would anticipate many of you have had similar conversations with your spouse. Maybe different words, but the same context. Just to give you a bit of background... Tyler just downloaded a "To-Do/Task" matrix on his cell phone. It allows him to keep up with tasks or "delegate them" to someone else, date them for a future completion, etc, etc... Let's see if you can relate... 
T: Hey, I'm going to forward you an email of a few things to do.
A: Well, I'm not going to guarantee that it gets done today. I already have a lot of things I'm going to do. 
T: Well, you didn't even see what it is. It won't even take long. 
A: Well... I just know that I have lots to do, and if it was a lot of tasks that had to get done today, I just wanted you to know I didn't know if I'd get to them. But I can probably plan them into my calendar for later.
T: All I was going to do was ask you to drop off the dry cleaning. I have all my shirts laid out on my chair upstairs.  (*bit of frustration in his voice*)
A: Oh. Well, I can do that when we leave to pick blueberries. (*feeling a bit bad that such a big deal was made out of something that would be so easy to do now that I knew what it was* - Now outside, as he's walking to the garage.)
A: And ,your welcome for packing your lunch. (*A bit of sarcasm since he didn't say thank you.*)
T: And, Your welcome for me going to my job, making money and providing for our family. (*frustration in his voice because of feeling under-appreciated*)
There ya have it! :) The perfect world of the McCart's. :) It seems pretty small... but even just the "tension" in the air of our conversation wasn't a great way to begin, or set the stage for the day, for having a good day anyways. Then... of course, the Word continues to correct, teach, rebuke and help. All good things since we are all continuing to learn and grow. Correction is all a part of a believer who wants to grow. 

Proverbs 12 talked about being a crowning joy to her husband and of course that is something that I always want to be. A blessing. A joy. An encouragement. This morning was a good wake up call to the power of appreciation. Or the power of a lack of appreciation. Then as I continued to read in Proverbs 12, it talked about the wife who makes her husband ashamed, how she is as rottenness to his bones. Rottenness stinks, rotten breaks, rottenness brings fruit flies & bugs. There is nothing real good about rottenness. And I definitely do not want to be any of that to my husband. As I meditated on the word ashamed, I really came across ways that a wife can do that, can bring shame to her husband.

The wife can cause the husband to feel "Shame" or be "Ashamed" in several different ways....

Ashamed in Himself:

  • Lack of Appreciation - Feeling like he is not appreciated. What he's doing goes over-looked as he goes works with the people, makes the sales calls, deals with "drama" that may come up with work. Deals with client problems. Deals with numbers, emails, voicemails, to-do lists, projects to complete, #'s to grow, $ income to increase, people to please, boss to make happy, and the list goes on. As he goes through ALL this, and rarely gets a "Thank You" for all he is doing to provide for his family. Lack of appreciation can cause dissatisfaction with work & disunity with the spouse.
  • Lack of Accomplishment - Through her lack of appreciation, it shines light on their "Lack of Accomplishment". Sometimes causing him to feel shame in  how far along they are not. They have not gotten in life as far as they anticipated. They thought they would be further along in their goals, but they are not. She may mention or remind him of this with her attitude or words.
  • Lack of Attainment - Through lack of appreciation, this can also make him feel like what he has provided doesn't make her happy. Even though he's doing everything he knows how to do, nothing is making her happy. 
  • All of this making him feel like he is Not a good Provider - A man wants to know he is that "Hulk", "Mufasa", "King Kong", "He-Man". He wants to have the feeling of "beating his chest with his fists" and crying out "Oughhhh Oughhhh"... kinda like the "Tim 'The Tool Man' Taylor" would do on his show. Lack of Appreciation partnered with Lack of Accomplishment, then can cause a husband to feel like he is not a good provider. Then self-doubt sinks in. And the OPPOSITE begins to happen, instead of looking at where he can go, he may begin dwelling on what he is not. Who he is not, or has not been. Dwelling on failures and self instead of WHO GOD IS and WHAT GOD CAN DO through him. All of this self-imposed, or wife-imposed does not help the cause of progress, but directly can move them backwards. 

Ashamed in Her:

  • Actions - Non-productive. She does things that are un-prayed about and un-productive. She focuses on self. Doesn't serve him. "The least will be greatest. The one who serves is the one who is great." - This statement doesn't show through her actions. She does not serve. Her actions are not helping to move their family forward financially or spiritually. Lazy. Unkept house. Lack of peace.
  • Attitude - If she has a negative attitude all the time. Looks at the glass always as half empty instead of half full. Sharp tone. Sharp glares. Sharp words.
  • Attire - Dressing sloppy... or doesn't wear make-up or do her hair for him.  Dressing in a way that would be too revealing. Wearing clothes that are either too short, tight, low-cut or just inappropriate. Causing him not to take pride in showing off his wife. "Wearing her around as his prize when he is out in public." Like he is showing off a gem. 
  • Advancement - In her spiritual growth. In her physical fitness growth - being fit for HIM, to look good for HIM. In her PERSONAL growth. Reading books. In her fiscal growth - aspiring to make them money or save them money. Her not being a "shop-aholic" and spending money on things she and they do not need. 
  • A man will do more and be more when he is VERBALLY appreciated. 
  • A man will do more and be more when his wife treats him like her HERO. 
  • A man will do more and be more when he is loved. 
  • A man will do more and be more when he is RESPECTED
  • A man will do more and be more when his wife's actions show that SHE is in agreement with him. She takes action towards their goals, you see her "buy-in" to their goals by what she does because she is moving in the same direction! Their actions are in unity!
  • A man will do more and be more when he is served & treated like the King. She is the queen of the castle, but he wants to be her King!
I hope you didn't feel like this dwelled a lot on the negative. But... my goal is to avoid the negative and have my life dwell on the positive. Sometimes in order to do that, we need to know what the negative is. Are we inadvertently being negative in some way? Well... I know that I need to be more proactive with the POWER OF APPRECIATION! Actually with everything that was mentioned. I STILL have my work cut out for me. (I'm not even going to proof-read this today... arghhh!)

To Do:
Pick one thing today that you can apply. 

Lord, In JESUS name, help me to be the help-mate to my spouse that you created me to be. Help me to encourage and lift up. Help me to serve even when it may not be "convenient" or fit into MY schedule. Help me to focus on loving and serving and being a spouse that allow my husband to MOVE MOUNTAINS because I believe in him. Through my words and actions, help my husband know that I believe he can do ANYTHING!! May I empower him to do great things! And may I help him to do great things. Prepare us Lord for what YOU have in store. For the GREATNESS you have for us! We thank you today for your protection according to Ps 91, and that we go out in FAVOR FAVOR FAVOR according to Proverbs 12:2. We love you and praise you in JESUS name, Amen!

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