Monday, October 25, 2010

#90 - Some Truths Can Go Unsaid.

Good morning. It's raining here in Columbia. I'm still enjoying the morning though. Sometimes rain is nice. Out on my porch, it's rather comfortable. As I've been writing my book, it brings me to such different places.... the journey of going back in time and reliving some of the events. It is definitely not always fun. The heaviness of my heart this morning was then confirmed by the scriptures I read today. It's amazing how God does it. The importance of guarding our mouth, guarding our words.... that is what we are going to visit today. 
Proverbs 25:26 - Like a muddied fountain and a polluted spring is a righteous man who yields, falls down, and compromises his integrity before the wicked.
Psalm 25:7 - Remember not the sins (the lapses and frailties) of my youth or my transgressions; according to Your mercy and steadfast love remember me, for Your goodness' sake, O Lord. 
Psalm 55:14 - We had sweet fellowship together and used to walk to the house of God in company. 
Proverbs 31:26 - She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction].
Well, it is a definite "Praise the Lord" that HE forgets our sin. The moment we ask for forgiveness, our sin is washed away. Like we've talked about lately, as far as the east is from the west, our sin is forgotten. What a wonderful thing! Though that is great, in regards to our words, when sin is accompanied with our words, things we have said, to some, those words may never be forgotten. 

I'll take you back to early on in mine and Tyler's marriage. We were young, obviously still growing in our walk with the Lord, as we still are, and just excited about life. Living life to the fullest. Accomplishing goals. Accomplishing dreams. Chasing God's calling on our life. (Still things we do today!) But, in all that, the key is, we were "raw". We were un-finished, definitely un-polished, and at times our zealousness maybe came off the wrong way to people. 

My best friend while I was in college still lived back home. I was most definitely focused on specific things Tyler and I were pursuing. We had some specific goals, with a time-line and we were very focused. It had been close to two years that I had lived in the south. Living several hundred miles away from someone, being newly married and someone taking the #1 'earthly' spot in my life, and in a focused pursuit of some goals left my friend feeling very unimportant. As I have thought back on the season in my life when we were best friends, it truly was sweet fellowship. We would spend hours talking about the Lord, so green, just so excited to seek Him out and learn about Him. We would read our Bibles together, I'd go visit her and we'd stay up late into the night talking about God and the hopeful plans for our life. Most of our late night talks did revolve around the "boys" in our lives. For me, it was Tyler. I couldn't get my mind off him. I just knew that one day God would reveal to him that he was going to marry me. 

We did have a sweet friendship. But until one day, she confronted my "lack of putting enough effort" into our friendship. It seemed this was a constant guilt trip I had been feeling whenever we talked. I felt frustrated and I felt smothered. Things had definitely changed. In my "raw" way, I finally told her the things I was pursuing with Tyler, my marriage and our goals in our marriage were more important. Yikes. Our conversation quickly ended. I felt horrible, but what I said was true. I maybe didn't have the people skills to do it more tactfully, but what was done was done. 

And that was the end of that. Our friendship never recovered. She was hurt. I was hurt. What I said and the way I said it definitely did not reflect the "law of kindness" like the Proverbs 31 woman. They were things that were true, they were my feelings, but they were not said in kindness. My invitation to be a bridesmaid in her upcoming wedding had soon been recanted, and our friendship left a dark pit in my heart. 

Sure... God forgave me. Many times over through the years that I talked to God about it. Asked for forgiveness, and even asked for my friends forgiveness, but what was done could not be undone. Forgiven, yes. Forgotten, no. 

Will anything ever come of the friendship I once shared? I'm not sure. She was a very dear friend during a very pivotal time in my life. A time when I needed a Christian friend, she was there. Sure, I felt a bit smothered at times.... but she was a great friend. 

I've learned from it. I'd like to say I'm more polished now, more studied in the Word, less raw. I know now, if we ask God's direction, seek His face, He always has an answer. Like the Proverbs 31 woman, it is an answer wrapped in kindness. And.... I have definitely learned that some truths can go unsaid.

Guard your tongue today. God will forget, but sometimes people have a hard time forgetting. If in doubt, don't say it, just be quiet. Some truths can go unsaid. 


Katie said...

Great Post! Words can be so hurtful and hard to forget...
P.S. Is the boy wearing pink socks?? Surely Tyler has some game socks he could wear?!?

Amy J. McCart said...

lol! YES! They are pink!! We were in GA for the weekend, and Yaya wanted him to wear socks with "tread" on the bottom inside on the wood floors. He got to wear his cousin MALIA's! Oh goodness!! They are pink! How embarrassing! He'll never know! :)

Kimberly Bestul said...

WOW...what a great post!! I love how u put ur own personal stories in here. She really was a great friend...we probably all have a friend like this. I've never thought of this friendship in this context...u still really seem to be hurting. Hopefully, she'll read this & u may be able to re-connect...but I'm sure she's still hurting too. What a great example of "taming the tongue". And I'm MUCH worse than u. thx! :'(

Deb Ellis said...

I am so proud of you, how you have grown over the years. Have you ever thought about calling her and talking about it again? I'm sure she has grown alot too!

Friendships are such a valuable commodity. I truly believe that if you are blessed enough to have a special friendship, you should treat it like a precious gem. You and Kimmi are right. Words are hurtful. We all have alot to learn about being brighter lights and using our words to encourage rather than discourage. And why is it that it's the people who are closest to us that we tend to hurt the most?

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