Monday, July 5, 2010

#28 - The 72 Hour Rule *(kid censored)*

Good morning all! How are you?? I am enjoying a watermelon smoothie this morning, finishing off cup of coffee #2, and the boy has gotten a bottle and is probably tapped it off and snoozin by now. I am so excited you have joined me today in reading this post: "The 72 Hour Rule." Should be quite an interesting post.... I will be interested in hearing your thoughts and feedback. :) Some eye-brows may be raised during this one! :) Did you read the post from Friday? "Proverbs 31: The 'How To'"- What were your thoughts on it?? - If you did.... and if you've been following, you will know that today we are going to touch on Proverbs 5 and a verse from Proverbs 31:10-31. What verses do you think we are going to choose?? Well... let's roll on into things. :) 
Proverbs 31:12 - She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her. 
Proverbs 5:19 (KJV) - Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
Whoa! Proverbs 5:19 has always been one of my husbands favorite verses. (LOL) I'm sure he'll be real thrilled that I let you know that! But, there it is, in black and white. The bible talks about boobs! Whoa! May be a shocker to some. The Bible talks about a lot of pretty interesting stuff. For those people into the "romance novels", the sex, love, adultery, lying, cheating, killing, prostitutes.... wow, the Bible has it all! Definitely a great book to read if you are interested in it all! Proverbs 5 has been one chapter that I always think about when I am thinking about who is the OPPOSITE of our Proverbs 31 friend. What would be a polar opposite? The loose woman. Proverbs 5:3-10 gives a good breakdown of this "loose woman." Then, when we continue reading, we come across the call to faithfulness in Proverbs 5:15-20. A call to fidelity. A call to faithfulness. A call to one man being with one woman and not straying from his marriage bed. A call to children from one wife or one husband. A call to love and delighting in the physical passions between a married couple. Staying away from the "outsiders" of the world. Staying away from the seductive smile's of the man or woman at the office with the luring words. From real and costly experience, from the actual sin and lust, the adultery that David committed with Bathsheba, he gives a call, a cry out to his son to be faithful. After committing adultery, having Bathsheba's husband killed, her giving birth to their son conceived through their adulterous relationship, David speaks from the hardship of death. The baby, 7 days old, dying because of their sin. David is speaking in chapter 5 from the experience of sin and the loss sin has brought.


The Proverbs 31 woman.... she comforts, encourages & does her husband only good as long as there is life within her. Sex. That's our topic. Studies have shown that most men need to experience a release about every 72 hours. Therefore, in our house, Tyler & I have a 72 hour rule (applied when needed!) The "72 hour rule" is also accompanied with a "No-No" rule. Part of my call as a wife is to comfort my husband, to do him only good. Sex is part of comforting him. It allows him to have a release in what is pent up inside of him. Fulfilling his sexual needs is part of "doing him only good." A lot of our friends operate on the same "72 hour rule"... but those friends of Tyler's who do not and find out about it immediately have their mouth hanging agape. They are freaking out! "MAN! I wish my wife would agree to that! OH MAN! That would be SOOO awesome!" They frequently open up to Tyler and tell him how IN-frequently they have sex with their wife, and some of the things they have to do to release what their body makes. Right or wrong, men do what they feel they have too if their needs are not being met. 


Getting a bit personal here.... whoa! We implemented the 72 hour rule very early on in our marriage. The infamous question, "Do I need the 72 hour rule for myself?" Like most women, absolutely not! I could go for quite awhile and be fine. Do I feel obligated to climax every time I am "assisting" my husband? No. I am fulfilling a need. I am bringing comfort to him. I am doing him good. I must say that the "No-No" policy does come in pretty handy. What does that mean? We have a "No-No" policy. If one of us really needs "help", if we ask for "help", the other person can not say "No." Believe it or not, that really does even line up with the Word:
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 - For the wife does not have [exclusive] authority and control over her own body, but the husband [has his rights]; likewise also the husband does not have [exclusive] authority and control over his body, but the wife [has her rights]. Do not refuse and deprive and defraud each other [of your due marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves unhindered to prayer. But afterwards resume marital relations, lest Satan tempt you [to sin] through your lack of restraint of sexual desire.
My body is not my own, it is my husbands. Once married, part of my marital obligation and responsibility is to fulfill his sexual needs. AND the road goes both ways, his marital responsibility is to fulfill my sexual needs.


THE LOOSE WOMAN IS OUT THERE! - IF I decide I don't want too or don't feel like it... there are repercussions. My husband and myself both having "physical touch" needs.... even in 1 Corinthians 7, it talks about SATAN coming to tempt you because our inability to restrain from sexual temptation. I KNOW that the LOOSE WOMAN IS OUT THERE! So, as a wife, if you/we chose NOT to meet our husbands sexual needs... NEEDS, their body, their physical make-up creates sperm, it has to come out sometime..... so IF us wives do not meet their needs, there are several options for them .... and let me point out, they are not good options. Options that I would prefer NOT to happen. For the FEW - options to abstain may work for awhile. Otherwise, they could find release through masturbation. They could find it through pornography. And then there is the LOOSE WOMAN. Because as we read in Proverbs 5, she is out there! So the cute little secretary at work, not a picture of our Proverbs 31 woman, begins telling him how nice he looks. She makes sure to bend over the copy machine right when she knows he's looking. She wears lower cut blouses than normal to draw attention to him. Meanwhile, his appetite is large! His hormones are heightened because of his lack of "action from his wife." Often, that is when affairs begin. Is it completely HIS fault. NO. It is often almost equally the wife's fault for refusing or depriving her husband from sex. When the husband who is fulfilled at home, the wife is applying the 72 hour rule.... he walks right past the cute secretary who is bending over the copy machine, he doesn't even notice it. He avoids her. His hormones are not heightened to a state of NEED, that he is able to avoid the LOOSE WOMAN who is trying to lure him in to an affair.


So for my husband, may MY breasts satisfy him always. May I comfort and do him good ALWAYS! 


And what is good about the "No-No" Policy? Well.... if you are anything like me.... I do not know when I am going to be "in the mood." It could be at a pretty inconvenient time... but if it has been 2 weeks, and it's not at an opportune time.... IF Tyler said "No"....once the mood was gone, it could be another week or two weeks.... or the LOOSE MAN could come into the picture. The same thing applies to us women. We need our needs met too. When our needs are met at the time that we need them met, masturbation, pornography, or the "hot man at the office" isn't as much of a temptation for women either. In today's world with pornography so easily accessible, it should not be cast aside as something that someone in your house would not consider. If there are children in the house, teenagers....or even if it is just the husband and wife. There are too many sites available to provide a negative source of relief. What used to be a bit harder to come by, now is readily available.


There are also a lot of great web-sites out there that provide accountability or restrictions. Covenant Eyes is a great website that will email weekly updates and rate the websites that have been visited. They will also notify you on any sites that have been blocked. It is a priceless feature to cut down or eliminate the temptation that is available through the internet. Some staggering stats? (http://www.safefamilies.org/sfStats.php) Check this out and then tell me if a "control" wouldn't be helpful:
  • 9 out of 10 children ages 8-16 have viewed pornography on the internet (many cases accidental).
  • There were 1.3 million pornographic websites in 2003 (It's 2010 now! Has that number doubled? Tripled? Quadrupled by now?)
  • 70% of men from 18-34 have visited a pornography website within the last month.
  • 34% of FEMALE readers of Today's Christian Woman admitted to intentially accessing an Internet porn site.
  • 47% of families say that pornography is a problem in their home! That is almost 1 out of 2 families!!! (Focus on the Family)
  • 51% of pastors say that cyber-porn COULD BE a possible temptation.


SO, WHOA! Yah! I know, they are pretty gross statistics, but they are nonetheless a reality. 

Wives, Husbands.... meet the needs of your spouse. Don't refuse your spouse when they ask for help. As strong of a person as they may be, you may be turning them away, in their time of weakness to be one of these statistics. 


__________________________________


As a PS - Husbands.... wives.... if you are going to apply the "No-No" Rule or the "72 hour Rule", do you think you are always going to be in the mood? Save yourself some trouble, NO you won't be. But... look at the benefits... by you serving your spouse in this area of marriage, you are helping save them from possible sin, from possible infidelity, from possible pain in your relationship. It is definitely a way you can serve your spouse! Blessing you with many happy years til "death do you part."

13 comments:

jburton said...

Preach on Sista!

Dylan Barry said...

I have to say that I found myself blushing a lot throughout my reading of this post. I was often taught that talk of such things was inappropriate in good company, but I have realized that lack of any discourse on it has led to cultural confusion on the significance of "sexuality". I appreciate the honesty and candor.

One of the interesting things I think about when encountering this topic on sex is its perception. The Christian church, in its zeal, has the tendency to place a negative stigma on sex, often raising guilt needlessly. I have often seen that many well meaning pastors fail to establish a proper biblical view on sex and so many are left with seeing sex as that perpetual sin. We often fail to see that we can easily err in being too loose in its importance or too strict.

I have always found it helpful to begin with saying that: "God created sex and designed it for good."

1) God created sex- For myself, it is important to see that sex is not defined or made up by the society we are in. Sex finds it origins in our infinitely wise God.

2) God designed it for good- Again, God did not make up sex, but had a purpose/design in mind when He gifted it to His creation. Also, God created sex to be a good thing.

Speaking to the society we live in, we have become over-sexualized. It was C.S. Lewis in his book, "The Screwtape Letters", has the uncle demon tutoring his nephew in the ways of deceit. At one part in the book, the uncle advises his nephew that in order to further entrap his human subject, "increase his desires while depriving him of his pleasures." That is our culture, drowning in an ocean of desires.

Going back, by saying that God had designed sex for our good, we see it as a means by which we grow deeper in our intimacy with our spouse. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." (Gen. 2:24) It serves to bring the two further together as one.

Why though say that God "designed" it? I often think of this example. Say I were an alien who having never known the ways of earth decided to visit. My spaceship had conveniently beamed me down right in the middle of a tool shed. I found myself amused and delighted by all the artifacts, but had no knowledge of there uses. It was incredibly hot and seeing that I needed some relief from the squelching heat, I had decided that since the lawnmower blades turned much like a fan then humans must use them to cool themselves off. What is wrong with this picture? We realize that a lawnmower was never intended to cool us off like a fan does. We realize design. It is when we use sex in a way that God did not design that we find ourselves deprived of any pleasure from it. I think this is important for us men to realize.

God meant it for good. Sex set within the bounds of God's purposes (marriage) is a very good thing. Sex strengthens the intimacy that one has for the other. Sex grounds and affirms the satisfaction that each spouse finds in the other. Sex beautifies the union that God brought together and glorifies that greater reality such a union is intended to portray: "Christ's love for His Church." Finally, it is from out of man's intimate love for his wife that God ordained to bring forth life into the world. "And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good." (Gen. 1:31)

I only wanted to establish the positive means that God works for us in sex. Sin is always present in this life and we are called to be vigilant against it. Sin threatens to deprive us of our pleasures in God and it will betray us if we trust to it. I, in the end, must agree with God: "it is very good." God Bless.

Amy J. McCart said...

Burton's,
Thank you! :)
Amy


Dylan,
Amen to everything you have to say! I totally agree! In the confines of marriage, sex was meant to be good! And, if it makes you feel any better, I was probably "blushing" some too as I wrote this blog. It was definitely one that I felt led.... but definitely a hard topic that is out there. One that can be a bit challenging to discuss or bring into the light, but on the flip-side, if Christians are not discussing or having a healthy perspective on the subject, we just continue to be bombarded with what the "world" views as "OK". The "world" is talking about the subject LOUD and CLEAR, but because it is an intimate topic, as Christians we often avoid it's importance.

Thank you for taking the time to comment! A HEARTY AMEN to everything you had to say!

Blessings to you!
Amy

Renee said...

I agree.. I have abstained from having sex now since november... and I am saving it for my proverbs 31 man.. this means more to me than anything... I want to save it for my husband and then it will be amazing and not empty an unfulfillable...

Amy J. McCart said...

Renee! I am SOOO proud of you! It will DEFINITELY be worth the wait!!! Stay strong girl! God is molding you into the woman HE wants to be... and ALL THE WHILE, your AMAZING, HOT, WONDERFUL Man of God is out there being molded too. He will be an amazing husband to you. An amazing father to your boys. I truly believe, when we do things God's way, he TRULY gives us MUCH MORE than we could ask, think or imagine! Keep your focus on the Lord Renee. Stay laser focused. In that focus, when your eyes are not even on or thinking about "men" or "that man", God will have him standing in the background, just noticing you. Just taking in the woman of God you have become. He will be in AWE! Stay focused! The prize is SO worth the wait!

Love you!
Amy

Shauna said...

Amy,
Awesome post!!! I totally agree with this! I have read the bible. It is my favorite book. My favorite thing to talk about is by far, God and the bible. This message is such an important one. Thank you for being blunt and putting it out there!

God bless!
Shauna

Amy J. McCart said...

Thanks Shauna! :) It was definitely blunt! :) ha! But, hey... I'm not all about the watered down, "Kum-by-ya" stuff. Let's just get to the point. :) hehe!

Thanks for reading. I hope you will come back and let me know more of your thoughts in the future. Let's here Shauna "Preach it Sista Preach it!"

Have a blessed day!
Amy

Kimberly Bestul said...

A.J.
I really enjoyed this post. What a great conviction for a married women. You know very good & WELL that I appreciate it ur bluntness. Thx for ur courage in sharing such a bold topic with the world. I don't think most women consider the consequences of "holding back" from their husbands. Men stray for a reason. With increasing divorce rates, I plan to keep my man happy. :D

<3 u!!

Stoney said...

Amy

This is good stuff! Almost verbatim from our Pastors at the "sex day" at our marriage conference. Thanks for sharing, I know that a lot of people don't have a Pastor(or youth Pastor)that will touch this topic, except from a sin mindset. You're awesome Amy! =)

Amy J. McCart said...

Stoney! My old High School locker buddy/neighbor! :) Great to hear from you!! :) Hope all is going well with you. Since this post was from July, I just re-read it.... I was a bit "wow'ed"/"Yikes" at the bluntness. It definitely straight forward!

Great to hear from you! Thanks for the feedback! :)
Amy

Rhae Sutphin said...

Awesome insight Amy! I know Galen & I have followed this rule and alas we are very happy. Seems to open our communication too! Thanks for reposting!! :)

Anonymous said...

While I appreciate your devotion to maintaining the happiness in your marriage, I also feel extremely disappointed in reading this. Disappointed, because I feel like you are adding to the problem that is rampant in our society today. I do think the effort to frequently be intimate with your partner is something every married couple should put forth. I just don't think it's healthy to feel you have to do it on such a schedule to keep your partner from straying elsewhere. That is fear-based, not love-based. Despite the biological nature of man, the spiritual nature can be and should be stronger in a marriage. When you allow the expectation that a man will stray if you aren't following the guidelines, you are putting him in a place that isn't under God. There is a control that every married person has the responsibility to hold in their hands. If they give in to temptations, that is completely within the realm of their own willpower, and to use the excuse that their spouse doesn't sleep with them often enough is spineless. Yes, we are human beings and when we are not receiving love and physical attention from who we are with, we will be tempted to go elsewhere. But temptation in no way equates to justified action. That's when communication comes into play, and having the integrity to work through issues and take marital vows seriously. To imply that men have the justification to look elsewhere when we are not performing our "duty" puts women in a place that is degrading and only encourages the behavior in men who read this.

I will sleep with my husband frequently because I love him, I enjoy it, and I want to keep the flame alive. I wouldn't do it out of fear of losing him to the temptation of someone younger and prettier. And if there comes a period of time for some reason that I am unable to be intimate, whether circumstances are medically serious or of another nature, I expect my husband to be by my side no matter what. I'm not an expert on the Bible, but I cannot recall any part of it that gives any justification for adultery.

Amy J. McCart said...

Anonymous Wife,
Wow. Thank you so much for your comments. I appreciate your thoughts and many words of wisdom! After re-reading your post, I honestly found myself really saying "Amen" to a lot of what you said! And, even reading your comments to my husband, his thoughts were the same. Much of what you said I TOTALLY agree! I especially loved what you said, in essence, how marriage should be "Love based, not fear based." And I believe trying to uphold a legalistic schedule could definitely be out of balance! Tyler nor I stand with our stop watches and say, "Ok honey, It's been 70 hours we better get our obligation in." That would most definitely be silly. SO, we do not keep a schedule like that, but BOTH of our main goals, not just mine to him, but both ways, our goal is to make sure we are meeting the needs of the other person. That it goes back to selflessness versus selfishness. First shall be last and last first. Being others (spouse in this case) focused instead of self focused. And, I couldn't agree more about COMMUNICATION! You hit the nail on the head with that! Though sex is important, it is not the most important thing in a marriage. Probably the marriages where one person is unhappy with the "sexual intimacy or frequency", I would bet most likely there are a WHOLE lot of other underlying issues at hand, not just sex. (ie: one spouse not feeling appreciated, lack of help around the house, stress with work, unkind words being said, unhealthy abundance or lack of friendships outside the marriage, control, manipulation, the list could go on!) But I definitely agree that Communication is extremely important! And bottom line, what you said about having "integrity" and "taking the marriage vows seriously." I believe their are two sides to the coin, two sets of feelings in every marriage.... and I'm sure in marriages where adultery has taken place, there has been a big leading up to it, it wasn't most likely an overnight thing.

I by no means claim to be an expert, if I talk from any platform, it's a platform of almost 10 years of marriage, and feeling like I'm on a honeymoon most days of it. But all that DID not start with sex, it definitely started with that first tough year of learning how to communicate! I've always heard a recommendation when reading books or listening to speakers... "take a grocery store approach", ie: when you grocery shop, you don't buy everything. Equally, when I read things, I pick out the good things out of books, the things that apply to me at that time, and those things that I don't agree with or aren't ready for, I "leave on the shelf", so to speak. It sounds like you have a great marriage already. And maybe you've been married a lot longer than us to. That is awesome! This is probably definitely may be the "liver" at the grocery store for you. You may not like it or agree with it, and that's fine. I knew in writing a "Christian Blog", I surely would not please everyone. I recently heard a quote from a successful author, Jeff Olson. He said, "I don't exactly know what the secret to success is for you, but I definitely do know what will lead to failure. And... that's this one thing..... trying to please everyone."
So, I guess I'll just close with, Thank you! Thanks for visiting this blog. Thanks for sharing your opinion. I share your thoughts on so many things. And, I definitely agree with your last point... there is NO justification for adultery. If a husband or wife commits adultery, it is sin. Sin! There is no justification for that! I agree!

My goal however, is to keep things as happy as possible on the home-front, so that things don't ever lead up to that. (But... it does all begin with communication AND a personal, daily walk and relationship with the Lord.)

Amy J

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