Thursday, July 15, 2010

#34 - How to NOT Leave People Crushed & Shattered

Good morning! I have been overcoming some computer issues this morning. I think the last straw has occurred. I have had some money set aside to get a new, small laptop.... it may very well be the time. I have recently been fine-tuning my schedule.... not just having a "TO-DO" list, but scheduling the times for the things I need to accomplish in a day. I really believe it is going to help me accomplish more and be more aware of "where" my time is going during the day. (And, when the computer is having a "mind of it's own" for 45 minutes... hum.... it definitely is breaking in to my schedule!)

Anyways.... this morning is a topic we have discussed in form before. But Proverbs 15 talked about this topic 13 times.... 13 times, just in Proverbs 15, SO I figured if GOD repeats Himself, it may be good that we review this topic again too! :)
Proverbs 15:4 (AMP)- A gentle tongue [with its healing power] is a tree of life, but willful contrariness in it breaks down the spirit.
Proverbs 15:4 (KJV) - A wholesome tongue [is] a tree of life: but perverseness therein [is] a breach in the spirit.
Proverbs 31:26 - She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction].
Within the last week, light has been brought to both of these verses..... light in the good and light in the bad.

Two stories...
Story #1 - Tyler and I were traveling back from the leadership conference we attended (the "boy" was with grandma and grandpa). We stopped at a rest stop to go to the bathroom.... I got back to the vehicle before Tyler, so since I didn't have keys I ended up standing outside the vehicle for maybe 5 minutes. As I stood there, I witnessed some of South Carolina's finest. :) Ok... I'm being fecisious on that one! I was standing there, and watched a mini-van pull up, 2 small children, a little girl, no older than 18 months, and a little boy, maybe 2 years old get out, along with another boy and 4 adults (that's 7 people)! As the little girl in her pajama's gets out of the car, her mom gets out, lights up a cigarette and proceeds to begin yelling at the child. As they are walking to go to the bathroom, the mom continues to yell about something... short shorts, tank top, thin frame, and puffing on her cigarette. As they were walking back from the bathroom, I heard her yelling more and threatening to leave the child there at the rest stop. "I don't think you would like that! You better get your butt up here and hurry up!" The yelling continued. The smoking continued. Mom #2 with the little 2 year old boy...same scenerio. Short shorts, T-shirt, heavy frame, and yes.... gets out of the car, and lights up her cigarette. As she begins puffing on her cigarette, the 2 year old runs around the rest stop, full diaper & t-shirt on, cute as a button, but being yelled at the whole time.

Story #2 - Tyler was at the Christian bookstore the other day and saw some friends of ours. He relayed a story that was quite revealing. Our friend had her 2 sons with her.... her one son, Cage is about 18 months. As she was talking to Tyler, she noticed Cage was reaching out his hand to get something off the shelf.... as my husband told me the story he said, all she did was in a soft, but firm voice say, "Cage, don't touch that." With not a whine, cry, or sound at all, Cage quietly brought his hand back to his side and did not touch what was on the shelf. Wow. What a distinct difference.  

Breach in the spirit... wow... this one almost hurt my heart to read how negatively someone's speech can hurt others. The opposite of breach we see in the beginning of Proverbs 15:4... a gentle tongue. Check out some of the Hebrew definititions for the word "breach": crushing, fracture, crash, shattering, ruin, breaking of a dream.

Our Proverbs 31 friend opens her mouth in kindness. She is giving counsel and instruction. It does not say she yells, shouts & threats. She is opening her mouth in kindness. She is not sharp, she is not abrasive. She is firm, but her firmness has its base in love. A gentle tongue. Gentle is soft. Gentle is not loud on the ears. Gentle does not hurt ones feelings. Gentle is not cutting. In story #2, Cage did not need to be threatened or yelled at... his parents obviously set boundries and have set standards that have yielded obedient children.

As I watched the smoking mom's with their children at the rest stop... I'm not quite sure if my mouth was hanging agape. It may have been. I was truly awe-struck. Struck at how they spoke to those children.... it practically hurt my feelings and they weren't even talking to me, let alone how it made the children feel. And then, if the mom's were willing to be that abrasive in PUBLIC, how are they at home? It made me just wonder what the future held for those children. With the programming that was being set in place by how they were talked to.... what would they grow up to be like? Breach in the spirit. Breaking of a dream. I doubt they will grow up with the mentality of "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." "I am MORE than a conqueror in Christ Jesus!" "I am the head and not the tail! Above and not beneath!" "I am a winner!" "I am a CHAMPION!" I believe it is people like Cage, who will grow up to do GREAT and MIGHTY things because he has great and mighty parents! He has parents that are not putting things inside him that will "break his dreams." His spirit isn't being shattered or crushed because of the way his parents speak to him. He is being lifted up. Good things are being instilled in him. Mom & dad are putting GOOD things in themselves, and what comes in, goes out. Cage's mom read between 50-75 books last year! She didn't remember.... but MOST people don't even read the "dash". She read so many books that she couldn't remember. Not novels. Not romance trash. Good, solid, awesome books. She has poured good stuff in, and good stuff pours out onto her kids. She has not put "mindless" things into her mind from spending hours each evening watching TV.... but she is developing herself, and growing up GODLY warriors. She has taken herself and her responsibility as a mom, her responsibility as a wife, her responsibility as a business owner with seriousness.

A gentle tongue. Sure the stories have to do with kids. But... imagine the same thing with your spouse. Wives do this all the time to their husbands. They emasculate them.... deprive them of strength, vigor... with their words they weaken them. They break their dreams. And doing all this with one small part of our body. The Tongue. What power.

One of the biggest lies I have ever heard is this: "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Lie. Lie. Lie. Words can determine the path of your future. Positive words can spark dreams inside of you. Positive words can allow your child to grow up to be the doctor they talk about now. Encouraging words, can motivate your husband to venture out on his own with his own business. Loving words can keep your children from straying into sex and impurities as they hit their teenage years. WORDS. Words are some of the most altering, life changing things we have available to us! ONE CHAPTER in the Bible... today's chapter Proverbs 15 talked about their importance THIRTEEN times! Now, tell me words are not important?!

Edit. Monitor. Check. Change. What ARE the words coming out of your mouth? Is the tone you are speaking one of the mother in story #2? Gentle but firm. She got her point across, all the while not crushing the spirit of her child. Can you believe that words can CRUSH A SPIRIT?! WORDS!

Today, determine you are going to monitor what you say. Determine that you are going to watch the words that come out of your mouth. Your words & the tone. Don't do like the mom's in story #1. Don't crush the spirit of your spouse. Your kids. Your friends. Your family. I avoid people like that. I see them, and walk the other way. A critical spirit does not "Win Friends and Influence People." Today, determine that you are going to speak words of LIFE into your children. LIFE into your husband.

May your words be what motivates and raises up others, that your words instill belief into the lives of those who you come in contact with. When people leave you they feel inspired, lifted up, motivated... that they feel like they can do anything! That your encouragement changed things! Changes lives! Gives people hope. Gives people a dream. That your encouragement would help people accomplish the "impossible", invent the outrageous, live lives of victory. All of that with one thing..... with your words. Change things today. Change your words.


Deb Ellis said...

I appreciate yourThis is so true, Amy. I witnessed so much love and peace in your home while we stayed there. You could see it in little Tyler
He is such a happy and content baby. I've also witnessed the stress in families that the primary communication is done through screaming and anger and it would appear that love is absent in their family.
It breaks my heart when I'm at a shopping center and I hear an adult screaming at their child and wailing on them. It makes me want to pick them up and love them...rescue them.
You're right: If they treat them like this in public, I would hate to see how they treat them at home in private. God will judge them.
I pray for abused children, that God would convict those adults, that He would protect the innocent children.

Kristi said...

Applause coming from the Great State of Indiana. Well stated, Amy.

Tarra said...

Amy, I've been reading many of your blogs lately and I just can not get enough. The Holy Spirit it truly evident in your life and in your words :) I can not tell you have true I have found this particular word to be in my life. And there are times when my own words have been the opposite of life-giving. And it's taken some time to restore. Thanks for sharing.

Amy J. McCart said...

Thank you Tarra! :) We are blessed that you are now in Columbia! I look forward to getting to know you better! :) Thanks for your kind words. Praise the Lord that the Holy Spirit is available to us to work in our lives!

Bless u girlie! :)

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